Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Friday, August 7, 2015
Kindergarten
I still remember my first ultrasound. Laying on the bed and looking at the monitor. As soon as there was an image of a little baby I was shocked. I shouted, "there's a baby in there!" Of course I knew I was pregnant from the 4 positive tests I had but I didn't really believe it until I saw that little baby dancing around in there.
When I was in the hospital getting ready to have my first little boy there were a few scary moments. When his heart rate dropped and the doctor had to rush in and when I knew I had to push but the doctor still wasn't there. When my body was ready to push it was hard to stop it, but she got there just in time.
The first time I held him I didn't know what to think or how to feel. I had this little person who relied on me to take care of him. I couldn't take my eyes off him. Laying in my arms he was so handsome and I couldn't believe he was mine.
I remember all his firsts. The first time he smiled, the first time he said mama, his first tooth, and who could forget his first steps. I loved how excited his was the first time he met both his brothers and the first day of preschool. Then there was the first time he painted something and told me he wanted to be an artist.
How could I forget any of his firsts because they were mine too. He was the one who made me a mommy, he made us a family rather than a couple. My first child, my first little boy, and the first time I saw my heart outside of my chest.
Now we are getting ready for another first and I don't know if I am ready for it. I have fought it tooth and nail but I knew it would happen someday. Well that day is in 5 days. The day my oldest son, my little boy, goes to kindergarten.
I know he is excited. His school bag is packed. His clothes are picked out. He keeps telling me he needs an alarm clock to make sure he wakes up on time. He has met some classmates and in a few days he will meet his new teacher.
Then there is me. I am SO NOT ready for this. My body is filled with anxiety. What is he going to be doing in school? Will he like it? Will he make new friends? Will all the kids be nice to him? Will he like his teacher? Will he miss me?
I know he is strong and smart but this is the first step in getting him ready for the world. So I will go grocery shopping and pick up things to make his lunch. I will get him ready and walk him to the school bus. I will give him a kiss, say a prayer, and wave as he leaves.
I'm hoping that the tears won't start until we are back home. I'm praying that he will have a great day. I'm going to keep myself busy so I won't be staring at the clock.
I am sure when my other boys start kindergarten I will do a lot better but for now it's another first. So if you see me next week make sure I'm not constantly checking my watch. Give me a smile, tell me you understand, and that putting him on the bus tomorrow will be easier.
For now I will snuggle with my little men, give them lots of kisses, and tell them I love them.
When I was in the hospital getting ready to have my first little boy there were a few scary moments. When his heart rate dropped and the doctor had to rush in and when I knew I had to push but the doctor still wasn't there. When my body was ready to push it was hard to stop it, but she got there just in time.
The first time I held him I didn't know what to think or how to feel. I had this little person who relied on me to take care of him. I couldn't take my eyes off him. Laying in my arms he was so handsome and I couldn't believe he was mine.
I remember all his firsts. The first time he smiled, the first time he said mama, his first tooth, and who could forget his first steps. I loved how excited his was the first time he met both his brothers and the first day of preschool. Then there was the first time he painted something and told me he wanted to be an artist.
How could I forget any of his firsts because they were mine too. He was the one who made me a mommy, he made us a family rather than a couple. My first child, my first little boy, and the first time I saw my heart outside of my chest.
Now we are getting ready for another first and I don't know if I am ready for it. I have fought it tooth and nail but I knew it would happen someday. Well that day is in 5 days. The day my oldest son, my little boy, goes to kindergarten.
I know he is excited. His school bag is packed. His clothes are picked out. He keeps telling me he needs an alarm clock to make sure he wakes up on time. He has met some classmates and in a few days he will meet his new teacher.
Then there is me. I am SO NOT ready for this. My body is filled with anxiety. What is he going to be doing in school? Will he like it? Will he make new friends? Will all the kids be nice to him? Will he like his teacher? Will he miss me?
I know he is strong and smart but this is the first step in getting him ready for the world. So I will go grocery shopping and pick up things to make his lunch. I will get him ready and walk him to the school bus. I will give him a kiss, say a prayer, and wave as he leaves.
I'm hoping that the tears won't start until we are back home. I'm praying that he will have a great day. I'm going to keep myself busy so I won't be staring at the clock.
I am sure when my other boys start kindergarten I will do a lot better but for now it's another first. So if you see me next week make sure I'm not constantly checking my watch. Give me a smile, tell me you understand, and that putting him on the bus tomorrow will be easier.
For now I will snuggle with my little men, give them lots of kisses, and tell them I love them.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Mom of boys
God knew what He was doing when He made me to be a mom of boys. When I was little I always dreamed of having 3 boys and a little girl. I couldn't wait. During my first pregnancy I quickly learned that it was not likely I would be able to have 4 children and still have a family that loved me.
I kinda go a little crazy during pregnancy. I basically become a big emotional ball of nervous anxiety. I will be honest I am lucky I was able to make it through 3 pregnancies and still have my family take my phone calls.
During my first pregnancy when we learned we were having a boy we were so excited. I couldn't wait to see him. I thought about the sports he would play and how he would take after his daddy.
During my second pregnancy when we learned he was a boy I was a little sad but I still couldn't wait to meet him. Again I thought all about what he would be like and they things he would accomplish.
During my final pregnancy we were for sure we were going to have a girl. Everything felt so different, but in the back of my head I heard the nurse saying, "every pregnancy is different." When we found out we were once again having a boy I cried. I will be honest I was disappointed. I was in shock and my last hope of having a little girl was gone. I told everyone I was excited, that I was good not having a girl. I talked about how I wouldn't have to worry about the girl drama, hormones, and periods, ect. Inside though I was sad.
Of course when he was born everything changed. I couldn't imagine my life without my little redheaded baby boy. I wouldn't trade him for ANYTHING.
There is still a little bit of disappointment though, a little wish that I could try again. Every time I hear that someone is pregnant I have a little twinge of jealously. Not to be pregnant but for the fact that they may have a girl.
The older my sons get the happier I am that I have boys. They love their mommy! I love being able to build with them, play in the dirt with them, watch superheroes, capture bugs, make messes, and just have fun.
I was made to be a mom of boys. That disappointment of not having a girl, it's slowly going away.
So here is my advice to a mom who has multiple boys or knows someone who does:
DO stock up on band-aids. I know my little boys are rough and tumble boys, half the time I don't know where they get all the bruises and scrapes.
DO have a room for yourself in your house. This is where you can decorate as girly as you want. You don't have to worry about what your husband or sons think this room is just for you. Also it's a great place to go with the testosterone in the house gets too high.
DO take some time to pamper yourself. Take a bath, relax with a book, get your hair or nails done. When you have nothing but boys at home it is easy to get caught up in their craziness, just taking a little bit of time to pamper yourself goes a long way.
DO NOT under any circumstances talk about how important it is to you that you have a little girl and how special the bond between a mother and daughter is. Before I knew any better I talked about it and when I was pregnant with my third a friend talked about it.
A mom of boys won't have that so don't make upset her by talking about it!
DO NOT ask a mom with all boys if she is going to try again for a girl. First of all if I were to try again for a baby I would be aiming at a healthy one not a specific sex. Sure it would be nice to hear "its a girl," but as long as I hear, "everything is healthy," I don't care. Second, three boys is enough for me and it is not really a comfortable situation explaining why I am not having any more babies. Just don't ask.
Remember sons love their mom. Raise them to be good men who follow their hearts and their beliefs. Raise them to be kind and loving, they are the ones who will be providing you with daughters in law and you want to raise them right so they pick good women. Cherish your time with them don't think about what you are missing but focus on what you have. Most of all LOVE them with all you have.
I kinda go a little crazy during pregnancy. I basically become a big emotional ball of nervous anxiety. I will be honest I am lucky I was able to make it through 3 pregnancies and still have my family take my phone calls.
During my first pregnancy when we learned we were having a boy we were so excited. I couldn't wait to see him. I thought about the sports he would play and how he would take after his daddy.
During my second pregnancy when we learned he was a boy I was a little sad but I still couldn't wait to meet him. Again I thought all about what he would be like and they things he would accomplish.
During my final pregnancy we were for sure we were going to have a girl. Everything felt so different, but in the back of my head I heard the nurse saying, "every pregnancy is different." When we found out we were once again having a boy I cried. I will be honest I was disappointed. I was in shock and my last hope of having a little girl was gone. I told everyone I was excited, that I was good not having a girl. I talked about how I wouldn't have to worry about the girl drama, hormones, and periods, ect. Inside though I was sad.
Of course when he was born everything changed. I couldn't imagine my life without my little redheaded baby boy. I wouldn't trade him for ANYTHING.
There is still a little bit of disappointment though, a little wish that I could try again. Every time I hear that someone is pregnant I have a little twinge of jealously. Not to be pregnant but for the fact that they may have a girl.
The older my sons get the happier I am that I have boys. They love their mommy! I love being able to build with them, play in the dirt with them, watch superheroes, capture bugs, make messes, and just have fun.
I was made to be a mom of boys. That disappointment of not having a girl, it's slowly going away.
So here is my advice to a mom who has multiple boys or knows someone who does:
DO stock up on band-aids. I know my little boys are rough and tumble boys, half the time I don't know where they get all the bruises and scrapes.
DO have a room for yourself in your house. This is where you can decorate as girly as you want. You don't have to worry about what your husband or sons think this room is just for you. Also it's a great place to go with the testosterone in the house gets too high.
DO take some time to pamper yourself. Take a bath, relax with a book, get your hair or nails done. When you have nothing but boys at home it is easy to get caught up in their craziness, just taking a little bit of time to pamper yourself goes a long way.
DO NOT under any circumstances talk about how important it is to you that you have a little girl and how special the bond between a mother and daughter is. Before I knew any better I talked about it and when I was pregnant with my third a friend talked about it.
A mom of boys won't have that so don't make upset her by talking about it!
DO NOT ask a mom with all boys if she is going to try again for a girl. First of all if I were to try again for a baby I would be aiming at a healthy one not a specific sex. Sure it would be nice to hear "its a girl," but as long as I hear, "everything is healthy," I don't care. Second, three boys is enough for me and it is not really a comfortable situation explaining why I am not having any more babies. Just don't ask.
Remember sons love their mom. Raise them to be good men who follow their hearts and their beliefs. Raise them to be kind and loving, they are the ones who will be providing you with daughters in law and you want to raise them right so they pick good women. Cherish your time with them don't think about what you are missing but focus on what you have. Most of all LOVE them with all you have.
Follow Me:
YouTube: Get Moving Mom
Instagram: amanda91504
Twitter: @Amanda91504m
pintrest:amanda91504
facebook: Get Moving Mom
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
To Be A Better Mom
I had someone ask me where I have been for the last two weeks so I thought I would explain.
I decided it was time to take steps to being a better mom.
I am not saying I was not a good mom but I knew I could be better. Recently I shared that I have been dealing with PPD or Postpartum Depression. I would have times where I thought I was getting better and times that I didn't leave the couch all day. With 3 kids at home that is not something I wanted to be doing. I knew it was time to do something about it.
Not long after Colin was born I did talk to my doctor about my PPD and I was prescribed a medication to help. I was determined not to take it. I figured I could fix it by myself. I looked at medication as a band aid just covering up a wound and I wanted to heal it.
There were times that I felt so bad that I would pull out the prescription and just look at it. I refused to take it though. To me that was throwing in the towel, giving up and saying I couldn't fix myself. If I could just eat right and exercise I would be OK, but it's not easy to do those things when you feel extremely discouraged and have NO motivation.
When I spent a full day in the state of fear and anxiety I decided enough was enough. I was not living I was just making it through the day. I was always looking for something that would fix me (or distract me). The problem was that I couldn't hold on to any motivation. I also started to see my son having some anxiety problems. I wanted to stop the cycle.
For so long I used the excuse that I didn't want to use medication to get better because I was nursing. I was using my children as my excuse not to do something but now I needed them to be the reason I did do something.
I started taking steps to getting help by talking to a friend who went through the same thing. She encouraged me to talk to the doctor again and get started on getting better. Next I called my doctor, it had been it had been 9 months since I talked to her about my PPD.
It has been 2 1/2 weeks since I decided to make a change. I was told that I would not really notice a difference and that it could take about a month to feel better. Here is what I am noticing already.
I am not constantly afraid of EVERYTHING. I feel like I used to be in a constant state of fear but now I feel quite relaxed. It's pretty nice.
I have patience again. I was at the point where I had no patience and everything made me irritable.
I am enjoying some of my favorite things again. My poor family had been surviving on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a while. It is nice to be cooking and quilting again!
I am having more fun with my kids. They are the reason I decided to do this. I was at the point where I felt like I was just a shadow in their lives. Now we are playing and making projects. I having a blast watching them and not dwelling on my anxieties.
The only downside I have found is that I am exhausted. This is a side effect that will hopefully go away soon and it is way better than the way I was feeling before. This is also one of the reasons I have be absent for the past few weeks. I wanted to take some time to focus on myself and my family.
I did not take this decision lightly and thought about it for a very long time. I am happy that I decided to make this change and I can't wait to see how things will continue to change and get better.
If you or someone you know is going through any form of depression take the steps to get better. It does not make you weak. I actually had someone tell me how strong I was for how long I tried to do it with out medication. I now feel I am strong for choosing my family and their needs over my stubbornness. I can be a better mom, a better wife, and a better me.
My journey is not over. Now comes the time when I fix all the problems my PPD caused, like my lack of exercise and weight gain. So stay tuned and follow my journey I see amazing things happening in my future.
Follow me:
Facebook-get moving mom
Instagram-amanda91504
pintrest-amanda91504
twitter-amanda91504m
YouTube-Get Moving Mom
I decided it was time to take steps to being a better mom.
I am not saying I was not a good mom but I knew I could be better. Recently I shared that I have been dealing with PPD or Postpartum Depression. I would have times where I thought I was getting better and times that I didn't leave the couch all day. With 3 kids at home that is not something I wanted to be doing. I knew it was time to do something about it.
Not long after Colin was born I did talk to my doctor about my PPD and I was prescribed a medication to help. I was determined not to take it. I figured I could fix it by myself. I looked at medication as a band aid just covering up a wound and I wanted to heal it.
There were times that I felt so bad that I would pull out the prescription and just look at it. I refused to take it though. To me that was throwing in the towel, giving up and saying I couldn't fix myself. If I could just eat right and exercise I would be OK, but it's not easy to do those things when you feel extremely discouraged and have NO motivation.
When I spent a full day in the state of fear and anxiety I decided enough was enough. I was not living I was just making it through the day. I was always looking for something that would fix me (or distract me). The problem was that I couldn't hold on to any motivation. I also started to see my son having some anxiety problems. I wanted to stop the cycle.
For so long I used the excuse that I didn't want to use medication to get better because I was nursing. I was using my children as my excuse not to do something but now I needed them to be the reason I did do something.
I started taking steps to getting help by talking to a friend who went through the same thing. She encouraged me to talk to the doctor again and get started on getting better. Next I called my doctor, it had been it had been 9 months since I talked to her about my PPD.
It has been 2 1/2 weeks since I decided to make a change. I was told that I would not really notice a difference and that it could take about a month to feel better. Here is what I am noticing already.
I am not constantly afraid of EVERYTHING. I feel like I used to be in a constant state of fear but now I feel quite relaxed. It's pretty nice.
I have patience again. I was at the point where I had no patience and everything made me irritable.
I am enjoying some of my favorite things again. My poor family had been surviving on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a while. It is nice to be cooking and quilting again!
I am having more fun with my kids. They are the reason I decided to do this. I was at the point where I felt like I was just a shadow in their lives. Now we are playing and making projects. I having a blast watching them and not dwelling on my anxieties.
The only downside I have found is that I am exhausted. This is a side effect that will hopefully go away soon and it is way better than the way I was feeling before. This is also one of the reasons I have be absent for the past few weeks. I wanted to take some time to focus on myself and my family.
I did not take this decision lightly and thought about it for a very long time. I am happy that I decided to make this change and I can't wait to see how things will continue to change and get better.
If you or someone you know is going through any form of depression take the steps to get better. It does not make you weak. I actually had someone tell me how strong I was for how long I tried to do it with out medication. I now feel I am strong for choosing my family and their needs over my stubbornness. I can be a better mom, a better wife, and a better me.
My journey is not over. Now comes the time when I fix all the problems my PPD caused, like my lack of exercise and weight gain. So stay tuned and follow my journey I see amazing things happening in my future.
Follow me:
Facebook-get moving mom
Instagram-amanda91504
pintrest-amanda91504
twitter-amanda91504m
YouTube-Get Moving Mom
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Naughty Turned Nice: Paleo Treats Review
NO!
What I am talking about is Naughty Turned Nice Paleo Sweets and Treats by Nancy Beechy. Nancy has always be active and healthy. Years ago she made a change for the better when she decided to change her eating habits to a Paleo lifestyle. She has not looked back since. When she made this change she went all in, that included the way she looked at sweets.
So many of the sweets we love are loaded with sugar, flour, and preservatives. On the flip side are the diet desserts. These desserts are still full of preservatives but instead of sugar they use artificial sweeteners.
All Naughty Turned Nice products are made with local, fresh, and organic ingredients. The first time you taste her Paleo Party Mix you can definitely taste the care she puts into her ingredients. She uses organic and local ingredients and you can taste the difference.
I tried five different products from her, these are the only ones that can ship at this time. The first thing that I tried was her primal brownie. It is made with zucchini, bittersweet chocolate, local honey, and chocolate liquor giving it the perfect combination of bittersweet with a hint of spice (I think either nutmeg or allspice.) If you are looking for something to satisfy a sweet craving but don't want something too sweet this is a great place to start.
The next thing I tried was her Paleo party mix. This is the one I hear about a lot and I kinda had high expectations. Let me tell you, I was not let down. As soon as I took a bite I knew I had to have Steve try it, even though I really didn't want to share. He is very critical and he loved it. I put it into the refrigerator as she recommended and I am sure it made a huge difference. It is a combination of nuts, seeds, and honey. The first bite I took seemed to melt into my mouth. I can see how this is one of her biggest sellers and I know I will personally be coming back for more!
I also tried her Paleo Party Mix with raisins and another with cacao and spice. Both these versions were just as delicious as the first.
The last thing I tried was her Primal Cereal. You know those almonds that you often smell during the winter, the tasty ones that are roasted with cinnamon and sugar. Well that is what I was reminded of when I tried this cereal. The cinnamon was one of the first things that I noticed and it woke up my taste buds. I indulged a bit more than I was planning with these special treats but I have to say that I like knowing that these items are as healthy for me as they are delicious.
While these were the only treats I was able to try today they are not the only ones she creates. I can't wait to try the doughnuts and cheesecake. If you are in the Chicago land area I definitely recommend locating her at her local farmers market, when you are there make sure you try her Paleo Party Mix. If you are not in the Chicagoland area make sure you check out her website and give the products a try. You will be hooked and don't worry if you have a gluten intolerance or are just trying to avoid it, all the Naughty Turned Nice products are gluten free.
One more thing I noticed about Nancy's Naughty Turned Nice products was there packaging. All the packaging is eco friendly and recyclable. With these treats there is nothing to feel guilty about!
Contact or Follow Nancy at:
Facebook: Naughty Turned Nice Sweets and Treats
Website: http://www.naughtyturnednice.com/
Follow me:
Facebook: Get Moving Mom
Instagram: Amanda91504
Pintrest: Amanda91504
YouTube: Get Moving Mom- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
RIP Mint Chocolate Chip
On Sunday June 21, 2015 I went out to our garage to get ice cream from the freezer. It was Father's Day and we had just finished a smoked rib dinner, the ice cream was dessert. It never made it to our bowls.
When I opened up the freezer I discovered thawed ice cream and soft packages of meat. I grabbed the ice cream and carried it inside to break the news to my family.
At one point during the weekend, we don't know when, the temperature on our freezer was turned all the way up thawing everything in it. It was a sad day but the worst was yet to come.
The next day it was up to me, a person totally freaked out about meat juice, to clean up the lost meat and freezer. A full blown panic attack would soon ensue.
Monday morning, June 22, 2015, I entered the garage full of dread and determination. Slowly I opened the freezer hoping that maybe it cleaned itself during the night. It didn't. The smell of thawed corn was overwhelming. I need to work fast, especially since the baby discovered I left the room and is crying hysterically on the other side of the door.
I begin taking everything out, cringing each time I touch the still thawed meat. I did not think about the fact that the freezer itself needed to refreeze so much of the food was still thawed. The smell is starting to be a bit much, the baby is hitting the door, and my hands are covered in meat juice. Then I look at the bottom of the freezer.
On the bottom of the freezer is a frozen pool of meat juice. At this point I start to feel a little dizzy and see stars circling my head. Quickly I put the bad meat in a big bag and put it back into the freezer until garbage day tomorrow. As I put the bag back a whoosh of meat juice mist hits my face, at least that is what I imagine it is.
Enter full on panic mode. I grab the clorox wipes and wipe of my hands and arms. I enter the house and rush to the bathroom, sorry Colin, I need to clean my face. Oh my gosh, I have meat juice all over me and it is already making me sick. I am dying!! My heart is racing. I am dizzy. Seriously I am about to pass out! I wash my arms, hands, and face. I need to make sure I will be ok, so I call the only person who can calm me down at this point. My dad.
After being reassured that I did not get meat juice sprayed into my face, it did not get into my eyes, and I am not going to get sick, I go about my day. Tomorrow I need to finish cleaning out the freezer.
Tuesday June 23, 2015, I reenter the garage determined to finish cleaning the freezer and move all the bad meat to the curb. After putting all the good meat into coolers so it won't go bad, I pull out the huge bag of bad meat. I drag the heavy bag through the grass to the waiting garbage can. Bending at the knees I heft the bag into the can. Thankful that I am done with this part, I slowly turn back to the garage where the freezer waits.
I have to syke myself up a little before I open the freezer lid. I grab my gallon of HOT bleach water and slowly start pouring it in, I don't want it to splash up today. I run back in the house to get more water. Coming back out I discover, much to my relief, that the plugs were never put back into the bottom of the freezer. The nasty water is running out and I don't have to touch anything. Score!
Finally the freezer is clean. It smells like a swimming pool, but at least it is clean. Right?! The last part of this clean up is to clean the garage floor. Are you kidding me!? Now there is meat juice all over the floor. Why didn't I think about this before! Grabbing the hose and a push brush I clean the garage floor. Finally I am done!
Tuesday evening. Upon entering the garage to pull fresh meat from the freezer I make a troubling discovery. A carton of ice cream was left out the night before and there is no hope of saving it. With a heavy heart I throw it into the garbage. Rest in peace you delicious mint chocolate chip ice cream, you will be missed!
Follow me:
Instagram: amanda91504
pintrest: amanda91504
YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrJGBpXda72ctIaukK0EQow
When I opened up the freezer I discovered thawed ice cream and soft packages of meat. I grabbed the ice cream and carried it inside to break the news to my family.
At one point during the weekend, we don't know when, the temperature on our freezer was turned all the way up thawing everything in it. It was a sad day but the worst was yet to come.
The next day it was up to me, a person totally freaked out about meat juice, to clean up the lost meat and freezer. A full blown panic attack would soon ensue.
Monday morning, June 22, 2015, I entered the garage full of dread and determination. Slowly I opened the freezer hoping that maybe it cleaned itself during the night. It didn't. The smell of thawed corn was overwhelming. I need to work fast, especially since the baby discovered I left the room and is crying hysterically on the other side of the door.
I begin taking everything out, cringing each time I touch the still thawed meat. I did not think about the fact that the freezer itself needed to refreeze so much of the food was still thawed. The smell is starting to be a bit much, the baby is hitting the door, and my hands are covered in meat juice. Then I look at the bottom of the freezer.
On the bottom of the freezer is a frozen pool of meat juice. At this point I start to feel a little dizzy and see stars circling my head. Quickly I put the bad meat in a big bag and put it back into the freezer until garbage day tomorrow. As I put the bag back a whoosh of meat juice mist hits my face, at least that is what I imagine it is.
Enter full on panic mode. I grab the clorox wipes and wipe of my hands and arms. I enter the house and rush to the bathroom, sorry Colin, I need to clean my face. Oh my gosh, I have meat juice all over me and it is already making me sick. I am dying!! My heart is racing. I am dizzy. Seriously I am about to pass out! I wash my arms, hands, and face. I need to make sure I will be ok, so I call the only person who can calm me down at this point. My dad.
After being reassured that I did not get meat juice sprayed into my face, it did not get into my eyes, and I am not going to get sick, I go about my day. Tomorrow I need to finish cleaning out the freezer.
Tuesday June 23, 2015, I reenter the garage determined to finish cleaning the freezer and move all the bad meat to the curb. After putting all the good meat into coolers so it won't go bad, I pull out the huge bag of bad meat. I drag the heavy bag through the grass to the waiting garbage can. Bending at the knees I heft the bag into the can. Thankful that I am done with this part, I slowly turn back to the garage where the freezer waits.
I have to syke myself up a little before I open the freezer lid. I grab my gallon of HOT bleach water and slowly start pouring it in, I don't want it to splash up today. I run back in the house to get more water. Coming back out I discover, much to my relief, that the plugs were never put back into the bottom of the freezer. The nasty water is running out and I don't have to touch anything. Score!
Finally the freezer is clean. It smells like a swimming pool, but at least it is clean. Right?! The last part of this clean up is to clean the garage floor. Are you kidding me!? Now there is meat juice all over the floor. Why didn't I think about this before! Grabbing the hose and a push brush I clean the garage floor. Finally I am done!
Tuesday evening. Upon entering the garage to pull fresh meat from the freezer I make a troubling discovery. A carton of ice cream was left out the night before and there is no hope of saving it. With a heavy heart I throw it into the garbage. Rest in peace you delicious mint chocolate chip ice cream, you will be missed!
Follow me:
Instagram: amanda91504
pintrest: amanda91504
YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrJGBpXda72ctIaukK0EQow
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Food addiction
Where do I begin? I feel like I have always struggled with my weight and what I eat. I will be honest I love food. I love the way it tastes, I love the way it smells, and I love the way it looks. What I don't love is how I feel after I eat. I am an emotional eater. The more stressed I become the more I seem to eat. I then become stressed and upset about my weight and how I look. I then eat because I feel so crappy. It is a very damaging cycle.
I have tried limiting what I ate, that didn't work. I tried cutting out foods, it made me want them even more. I feel frustrated, disappointed, and embarrassed with myself. I know that losing weight and getting healthy is not always an easy thing to do but it is what I went to school for, it is a passion of mine, and I have done it before.
If I know all these things why am I struggling so much right now?
When I lost all the weight before I was overworked, overstressed, and depressed. What I was eating was the only thing I could control. Now I feel like I can't control anything. This past week has been the worst. We went to a wedding last week. I feel like all I did was eat. I had cake, cookies, pizza, fruit, pop, and salad. The salad was awesome so it makes me mad that I didn't stick with just that.
This week I decided I am going to put different diets to the test. Which one will work best for me. The only problem with that is, I then had the mindset that I had freedom to eat whatever I wanted until Monday when I start.
All this does is make me more depressed. So what do I do? How do I get out of this rut? I want to start living my life and stop watching it pass me by. I want to be able to enjoy things and not be exhausted all the time. I want to feel confident and beautiful. I want to be happy with who I am.
I want to run and play with my children.
This is the part where I plan. First step is to get motivated. If you have ever been depressed you know that this is something that is hard to do. So instead I will set a goal. My first goal is 30 minutes of exercise every day. Sounds simple enough right. Throw 3 little kids in the mix and it is not so easy. This is where step two comes into play.
Get up early to work out. Thinking about getting up early after staying up late doesn't sound like fun but I know it will be worth it and hopefully I will start going to bed earlier. My goal is to wake up at 6 am everyday! Wow 6 sounds really early. Funny thing is, I am usually up around this time. I will lay in bed for a bit praying the kids sleep a little longer, playing on my phone, or just trying to go back to sleep. Instead I need to start getting up.
My last step right now is to fight my food addictions. The first one I am fighting is sugar. I know I can do this. I know I can beat this. Two weeks with no sugar is no big deal. Oh but we have Colin's birthday party! That should be fun! I have already planned all the yummy sweet things I will be making. Luckily I have some healthy options and it is at the end of my sugar detox.
I need encouragement. I need motivation. They say it takes a community. Right now I need one. I ask that you will walk beside me. Keep pushing me, even when I push back. Guide me, lead me, support me!
I have tried limiting what I ate, that didn't work. I tried cutting out foods, it made me want them even more. I feel frustrated, disappointed, and embarrassed with myself. I know that losing weight and getting healthy is not always an easy thing to do but it is what I went to school for, it is a passion of mine, and I have done it before.
If I know all these things why am I struggling so much right now?
When I lost all the weight before I was overworked, overstressed, and depressed. What I was eating was the only thing I could control. Now I feel like I can't control anything. This past week has been the worst. We went to a wedding last week. I feel like all I did was eat. I had cake, cookies, pizza, fruit, pop, and salad. The salad was awesome so it makes me mad that I didn't stick with just that.
This week I decided I am going to put different diets to the test. Which one will work best for me. The only problem with that is, I then had the mindset that I had freedom to eat whatever I wanted until Monday when I start.
All this does is make me more depressed. So what do I do? How do I get out of this rut? I want to start living my life and stop watching it pass me by. I want to be able to enjoy things and not be exhausted all the time. I want to feel confident and beautiful. I want to be happy with who I am.
I want to run and play with my children.
This is the part where I plan. First step is to get motivated. If you have ever been depressed you know that this is something that is hard to do. So instead I will set a goal. My first goal is 30 minutes of exercise every day. Sounds simple enough right. Throw 3 little kids in the mix and it is not so easy. This is where step two comes into play.
Get up early to work out. Thinking about getting up early after staying up late doesn't sound like fun but I know it will be worth it and hopefully I will start going to bed earlier. My goal is to wake up at 6 am everyday! Wow 6 sounds really early. Funny thing is, I am usually up around this time. I will lay in bed for a bit praying the kids sleep a little longer, playing on my phone, or just trying to go back to sleep. Instead I need to start getting up.
My last step right now is to fight my food addictions. The first one I am fighting is sugar. I know I can do this. I know I can beat this. Two weeks with no sugar is no big deal. Oh but we have Colin's birthday party! That should be fun! I have already planned all the yummy sweet things I will be making. Luckily I have some healthy options and it is at the end of my sugar detox.
I need encouragement. I need motivation. They say it takes a community. Right now I need one. I ask that you will walk beside me. Keep pushing me, even when I push back. Guide me, lead me, support me!
Monday, June 8, 2015
Diet: Let me be your guinea pig!
What does the word diet mean to you? I'll be honest I have often cringed when I heard this word. To me a diet was all about restricting food, feeling hungry, and feeling unsatisfied.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary a diet is, "a: Food and drink regularly provided or conusmed, b: Habitual nourishment, c: The kind and amount of food prescribed for a person or animal for a special reason, or d: A regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one's weight."(merriam-webster, 2015)
I asked friends what the word diet meant to them and some replies were the same as what I thought before where the word diet makes you think of starving yourself. When I was in school my thought process on the word diet changed. I stopped thinking of it as a way to lose weight and often feel hungry and started looking at it as a lifestyle change.
The word diet and the word dieting are two different things. Diet talks about the food you eat, fruits and vegetables are part of a balanced diet. Dieting is something you do to lose weight or make a change in you life, I am currently dieting to lose weight. We all eat foods as part of a diet because a diet is what you eat not what you do. Anything you eat is part of your diet. Diet is not a bad word. It does not mean hunger or limiting yourself. Your diet is your eating habits!
There are so many diets out there to try though and it is hard to determine what will work best for you. I know I often have people telling me about the different diets they are on and the changes they have made but I believe that just because a diet works for one person doesn't mean it will work for another.
Here is what I have decided to do and I need your help to do it. I am going to try several lifestyle diets and see what I think works the best and which I personally like. I am going into this unbiased and trying not to discriminate, I will even eat seafood if it calls for it! I will journal what I eat and how I feel. I know it is a short time but I will try each for 2 weeks. I feel this will help me at least get a feel for each diet. I will not be trying any of the fad, lose weight fast diets, I think they are unhealthy and not helpful. So what is a diet you would like to see me try? Leave a comment and let me know what you think I should try. I will be researching each diet and seriously trying as many as I can. Wish me luck and watch for my weekly updates.
Want to see more of this journey?
Follow me on Facebook: Get Moving Mom
Subscribe to me on YouTube: Get Moving Mom or https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary a diet is, "a: Food and drink regularly provided or conusmed, b: Habitual nourishment, c: The kind and amount of food prescribed for a person or animal for a special reason, or d: A regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one's weight."(merriam-webster, 2015)
I asked friends what the word diet meant to them and some replies were the same as what I thought before where the word diet makes you think of starving yourself. When I was in school my thought process on the word diet changed. I stopped thinking of it as a way to lose weight and often feel hungry and started looking at it as a lifestyle change.
The word diet and the word dieting are two different things. Diet talks about the food you eat, fruits and vegetables are part of a balanced diet. Dieting is something you do to lose weight or make a change in you life, I am currently dieting to lose weight. We all eat foods as part of a diet because a diet is what you eat not what you do. Anything you eat is part of your diet. Diet is not a bad word. It does not mean hunger or limiting yourself. Your diet is your eating habits!
There are so many diets out there to try though and it is hard to determine what will work best for you. I know I often have people telling me about the different diets they are on and the changes they have made but I believe that just because a diet works for one person doesn't mean it will work for another.
Here is what I have decided to do and I need your help to do it. I am going to try several lifestyle diets and see what I think works the best and which I personally like. I am going into this unbiased and trying not to discriminate, I will even eat seafood if it calls for it! I will journal what I eat and how I feel. I know it is a short time but I will try each for 2 weeks. I feel this will help me at least get a feel for each diet. I will not be trying any of the fad, lose weight fast diets, I think they are unhealthy and not helpful. So what is a diet you would like to see me try? Leave a comment and let me know what you think I should try. I will be researching each diet and seriously trying as many as I can. Wish me luck and watch for my weekly updates.
Want to see more of this journey?
Follow me on Facebook: Get Moving Mom
Subscribe to me on YouTube: Get Moving Mom or https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg
Diet. (n.d.). Retrieved June 7, 2015, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/diet
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Crazy Anxious Day
There are days that I feel like I am doing better when it comes to my anxiety and then there are days like today. So here it is the day in the life of an anxious mommy...
I think it all started last night, I just couldn't sleep. I tossed, turned, and had crazy dreams. You know the kind where you don't know what it going on but something is totally freaking you out. Do you have those dreams? Is it only me? Anyway...
I felt like I was doing good this morning. A little out of it but okay. Maybe it was at church talking about how my son is starting Kindergarten soon and I am freaking out. I mean seriously freaking out, I asked my husband if I could just home-school him!
Maybe it was stopping on the way home to look at minivans. Sure we have talked about them, even looked at them, but recently we thought we should look again. Our 5 year old told us he was going to open a restaurant/ grocery business to make money so that we can get a mini van. How many 5 years old do you know that want to work so they can get a mini van. He is very logical about it too. He told us his plan and reasoning for why he wants a van. I think we have a business man in the making. He already sold some of his art to grandma for $5! It even came with a stain from his lunch! Back to the anxious day....
After we got home I started making breakfast for lunch that is when I started to feel it. Right in the middle of cooking the bacon my chest started to feel tight. I had a little cough. This is when the thoughts start.
You know those scenes in a movie where the character is thinking and nervous about something. The camera seems to zoom in and out like a panicked heartbeat. Imagine that! These are my thoughts...
Oh no my I feel like I can't breath and I am coughing. I am dying. How fast can we get the the hospital? Is this something serious? Am I having a panic attack? Is it a pulmonary embolism? (I totally just looked up how to spell that.) Is this gas? Heart burn? Did I eat something wrong?
All these thoughts go through my head in maybe 2 minutes. Finally I can't take it any more. I am freaking myself out by just thinking. The panic is getting worse! I break down and call my dad. I tell him what is going on. Ask all the questions going through my head. Phew! He knows what I am talking about. He has been there. That makes me feel better!
After lunch the panic still hasn't gone away. I don't think the bacon, egg, and biscuit helped. (I am still a believer in food affecting mood.) I decide I am not going to clean right now. (if I had my way I would never clean) Instead I sit down to watch Jumanji with my family. Should I mention that this is a movie that kinda freaks me out and I try to avoid watching it! So we get through the movie, its not so bad.
Still I am feeling anxious. I decide that I am going to go downstairs and walk a bit on the new treadmill. That is one of the reasons that we got it. When I am anxious I will have a place to get out some of the nervous energy. It works, I feel great! I come back upstairs and make a youtube video. Edit two videos and upload them. I also finished the teacher gifts I was working on.
Someone asked me once what my anxiety triggers are, ummm... Everything! So after a short time and some mild physical discomfort, most likely from working out or eating crap, I am freaking out again.
I swear something that would be so small to someone else my mind turns into a major health event. I seriously think my doctors think I am crazy. Okay I will admit it I am a little.
I have had people tell me how great it is that I share how I feel and my crazy anxiousness. If I didn't have an outlet like this or youtube I don't know what I would do. Have you ever noticed that just talking about something or writing it down makes you realize how silly it is?
So here I am at the end of the day. After a glass of wine, some irritability, and lots of Taylor Swift (she seems to make everything better) I am feeling okay. Let's see how tomorrow goes....
I think it all started last night, I just couldn't sleep. I tossed, turned, and had crazy dreams. You know the kind where you don't know what it going on but something is totally freaking you out. Do you have those dreams? Is it only me? Anyway...
I felt like I was doing good this morning. A little out of it but okay. Maybe it was at church talking about how my son is starting Kindergarten soon and I am freaking out. I mean seriously freaking out, I asked my husband if I could just home-school him!
Maybe it was stopping on the way home to look at minivans. Sure we have talked about them, even looked at them, but recently we thought we should look again. Our 5 year old told us he was going to open a restaurant/ grocery business to make money so that we can get a mini van. How many 5 years old do you know that want to work so they can get a mini van. He is very logical about it too. He told us his plan and reasoning for why he wants a van. I think we have a business man in the making. He already sold some of his art to grandma for $5! It even came with a stain from his lunch! Back to the anxious day....
After we got home I started making breakfast for lunch that is when I started to feel it. Right in the middle of cooking the bacon my chest started to feel tight. I had a little cough. This is when the thoughts start.
You know those scenes in a movie where the character is thinking and nervous about something. The camera seems to zoom in and out like a panicked heartbeat. Imagine that! These are my thoughts...
Oh no my I feel like I can't breath and I am coughing. I am dying. How fast can we get the the hospital? Is this something serious? Am I having a panic attack? Is it a pulmonary embolism? (I totally just looked up how to spell that.) Is this gas? Heart burn? Did I eat something wrong?
All these thoughts go through my head in maybe 2 minutes. Finally I can't take it any more. I am freaking myself out by just thinking. The panic is getting worse! I break down and call my dad. I tell him what is going on. Ask all the questions going through my head. Phew! He knows what I am talking about. He has been there. That makes me feel better!
After lunch the panic still hasn't gone away. I don't think the bacon, egg, and biscuit helped. (I am still a believer in food affecting mood.) I decide I am not going to clean right now. (if I had my way I would never clean) Instead I sit down to watch Jumanji with my family. Should I mention that this is a movie that kinda freaks me out and I try to avoid watching it! So we get through the movie, its not so bad.
Still I am feeling anxious. I decide that I am going to go downstairs and walk a bit on the new treadmill. That is one of the reasons that we got it. When I am anxious I will have a place to get out some of the nervous energy. It works, I feel great! I come back upstairs and make a youtube video. Edit two videos and upload them. I also finished the teacher gifts I was working on.
Someone asked me once what my anxiety triggers are, ummm... Everything! So after a short time and some mild physical discomfort, most likely from working out or eating crap, I am freaking out again.
I swear something that would be so small to someone else my mind turns into a major health event. I seriously think my doctors think I am crazy. Okay I will admit it I am a little.
I have had people tell me how great it is that I share how I feel and my crazy anxiousness. If I didn't have an outlet like this or youtube I don't know what I would do. Have you ever noticed that just talking about something or writing it down makes you realize how silly it is?
So here I am at the end of the day. After a glass of wine, some irritability, and lots of Taylor Swift (she seems to make everything better) I am feeling okay. Let's see how tomorrow goes....
Sunday, May 17, 2015
What Could You Do In 30 Days
What could you accomplish in 30 days if you had nothing stopping you? This is a question I have heard several times and I have always come up with an answer but never followed through. I decided once I was going to take a picture every day to see my progress as I lost weight. I lasted 2 weeks.
When it came to my all juice cleanse I lasted, I think, about 5 hours. I actually did good eating clean, I made it 3 weeks. Then a friend made a comment on how hard it is to go places when eating like that and it was all over for me.
Sure there have been times I have followed through on things. After I graduated college I worked like crazy and took a trip to Australia and New Zealand. Another time I worked really hard and lost about 60 pounds. I felt AMAZING. Then I met my husband, moved away from my family, got depressed, and gained it all back. Okay so I may have had 3 little boys in that time.
So here is the deal I know my reason to lose the weight, to get healthy. I don't need to be a size 6 I just want to be healthy and have energy around my boys. If you have little boys or have seen little boys you know they have lots of energy! My problem is that I need the motivation. I need someone to be walking along side me telling me to keep going. I know it may be asking a lot but I need to hear from the people going through the same thing as me.
My challenge to you is to take some thing you want to accomplish and for the next 30 days work on it. If you reach your goal before 30 days that is awesome but the point is to start. Is it 30 days of no pop ( or soda, depending on where you live), 30 days of no fried food, 30 days of working out, 30 days of no carbs, or no sugar? Whatever it is, whatever you want to accomplish lets get started. I have a lot I would like to do for this little challenge, eat clean, no dairy, exercise everyday, or get up early. I am going to choose one. Hopefully completely one will get me motivated on the others. For the next 30 days I am going to jump on the treadmill for 30 minutes everyday.
Find a friend or loved one who is willing to do this challenge with you. It makes it easier when you have someone who can keep you encouraged and motivated. Plus you can have a little competition with a reward at the end! So let me know what your challenge is. What can I do to keep you motivated? I'm excited to see what we can accomplish in 30 days! Keep some kind of journal so you can look back some day.
I am going to try to post daily either her on my blog or on youtube.com so make sure you check back to see how things are going!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg
When it came to my all juice cleanse I lasted, I think, about 5 hours. I actually did good eating clean, I made it 3 weeks. Then a friend made a comment on how hard it is to go places when eating like that and it was all over for me.
Sure there have been times I have followed through on things. After I graduated college I worked like crazy and took a trip to Australia and New Zealand. Another time I worked really hard and lost about 60 pounds. I felt AMAZING. Then I met my husband, moved away from my family, got depressed, and gained it all back. Okay so I may have had 3 little boys in that time.
So here is the deal I know my reason to lose the weight, to get healthy. I don't need to be a size 6 I just want to be healthy and have energy around my boys. If you have little boys or have seen little boys you know they have lots of energy! My problem is that I need the motivation. I need someone to be walking along side me telling me to keep going. I know it may be asking a lot but I need to hear from the people going through the same thing as me.
My challenge to you is to take some thing you want to accomplish and for the next 30 days work on it. If you reach your goal before 30 days that is awesome but the point is to start. Is it 30 days of no pop ( or soda, depending on where you live), 30 days of no fried food, 30 days of working out, 30 days of no carbs, or no sugar? Whatever it is, whatever you want to accomplish lets get started. I have a lot I would like to do for this little challenge, eat clean, no dairy, exercise everyday, or get up early. I am going to choose one. Hopefully completely one will get me motivated on the others. For the next 30 days I am going to jump on the treadmill for 30 minutes everyday.
Find a friend or loved one who is willing to do this challenge with you. It makes it easier when you have someone who can keep you encouraged and motivated. Plus you can have a little competition with a reward at the end! So let me know what your challenge is. What can I do to keep you motivated? I'm excited to see what we can accomplish in 30 days! Keep some kind of journal so you can look back some day.
I am going to try to post daily either her on my blog or on youtube.com so make sure you check back to see how things are going!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Moving with Preschoolers and an Infant
So you have decided to move. That is awesome! Oh but you have kids. Well that makes it a little harder. There are some things you can do to make this process a little easier and somethings you really shouldn't do. Here are a few of the things I learned, some the hard way.
Six years ago my husband and I decided we were going to move. After 3 kids, lots of open houses, 4 different towns, and 1 failed offer we finally found a house. This past weekend we moved in, okay so our garage is full of boxes but we can live in the house! It was a crazy weekend but we were able to get through.
Before you list your house for sale get most of the toys out of the house. I went through all our toys and picked the ones that they played with the most to keep in the house. This will also make it easier when you are cleaning for open houses, they don't have as much to make a mess with! On the day of the open house find something fun to keep them occupied. We have a local children's museum that was great to keep them distracted.
Once your house sells comes the packing. Pick a room and pack it. I tried to pack the rooms where I could keep an eye on them. If you need to have a babysitter come and watch your children while you pack rooms. We had someone come to our house and watch our boys while I packed and clean their rooms.
The easiest thing to do is to have someone watch your children. For us our parents switched off watching our 2 oldest children. I used a baby carrier for our youngest.
My son was so disappointed that he was not able to help us move so I wanted to do something special for him. I had special pajamas for their first night in the new house and a Lego sets to help keep them busy while we were busy putting things away.
Back to the move. So the day of the move I strapped my son onto my back and got started helping with the moving. I will be honest I learned that moving while wearing an infant was not the easiest thing to do. I felt like I did a lot of directing and not as much moving. This also made it so that my son did not want to be held by anyone but me.
After we got most of our things to the new house I took him out of the carrier and let him play on the floor. I learned through a very unpleasant experience to make sure that there is always someone watching the children. It is easy to think someone is watching a child and they think someone else is watching.
Include the kids in the process. Sure they may not be able to help you move the couch into the house but they can carry the cushions! They feel a part of the process and this can make things a lot easier.
My final piece of advice is when you are deciding what toys to keep and what toys to donate make sure you do this when the kids aren't around. It is easy to look at a toy they haven't played with in a while and decide that you are going to get rid of it. The problem is while you see a toy they no longer like they see a toy they forgot about and love once again.
So here we are in a new house with a garage full of boxes. I have 30 days to clean out our garage or Goodwill is going to get a huge donation. Wish me luck!
Six years ago my husband and I decided we were going to move. After 3 kids, lots of open houses, 4 different towns, and 1 failed offer we finally found a house. This past weekend we moved in, okay so our garage is full of boxes but we can live in the house! It was a crazy weekend but we were able to get through.
Before you list your house for sale get most of the toys out of the house. I went through all our toys and picked the ones that they played with the most to keep in the house. This will also make it easier when you are cleaning for open houses, they don't have as much to make a mess with! On the day of the open house find something fun to keep them occupied. We have a local children's museum that was great to keep them distracted.
Once your house sells comes the packing. Pick a room and pack it. I tried to pack the rooms where I could keep an eye on them. If you need to have a babysitter come and watch your children while you pack rooms. We had someone come to our house and watch our boys while I packed and clean their rooms.
The easiest thing to do is to have someone watch your children. For us our parents switched off watching our 2 oldest children. I used a baby carrier for our youngest.
My son was so disappointed that he was not able to help us move so I wanted to do something special for him. I had special pajamas for their first night in the new house and a Lego sets to help keep them busy while we were busy putting things away.
Back to the move. So the day of the move I strapped my son onto my back and got started helping with the moving. I will be honest I learned that moving while wearing an infant was not the easiest thing to do. I felt like I did a lot of directing and not as much moving. This also made it so that my son did not want to be held by anyone but me.
After we got most of our things to the new house I took him out of the carrier and let him play on the floor. I learned through a very unpleasant experience to make sure that there is always someone watching the children. It is easy to think someone is watching a child and they think someone else is watching.
Include the kids in the process. Sure they may not be able to help you move the couch into the house but they can carry the cushions! They feel a part of the process and this can make things a lot easier.
My final piece of advice is when you are deciding what toys to keep and what toys to donate make sure you do this when the kids aren't around. It is easy to look at a toy they haven't played with in a while and decide that you are going to get rid of it. The problem is while you see a toy they no longer like they see a toy they forgot about and love once again.
So here we are in a new house with a garage full of boxes. I have 30 days to clean out our garage or Goodwill is going to get a huge donation. Wish me luck!
Friday, April 24, 2015
Pregnancy Loss- My story and Rainbow Baby
Two years ago I learned at an ultrasound that I lost a baby at 11 weeks. This was a horrible experience to go through but without it I would not have my baby boy. I know I am not alone in my experience. I also know that it is something that women don't talk about unless they learn about someone else going through it. So in honor of infertility and pregnancy loss awareness I want to share my story. Maybe my doing so will help someone else.
My first two pregnancies were pretty good. Other than having large babies, one 9 lbs 14 oz at 37 wks, they were healthy. Even though I was anxious I loved being pregnant. I loved feeling the baby move and kick. I couldn't wait to meet them and as soon as my first was born I was ready to do it again. I couldn't wait to have another baby. Little did I know what was in store for me.
It was right around my sons 3rd birthday that I learned we were going to have another baby. My anxiety was horrible, I didn't feel like I could relax at all. Early on I was sent to the hospital to get an iv after a rough night. They took me back to get an ultrasound and we were able to see a beautiful 5 wk baby.
Our follow up ultrasound showed that I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. I was told by the nurse who called not to worry that most times it would resolve itself that it would just mean that I would have to go back and get extra ultrasounds. Okay I though, I can handle this. I had my first doctor appointment where they just collect information, I was hoping they would check for the heart beat to give me a little reassurance. They didn't. Two days later I was back in the office after having some spotting in the middle of the night.
When the first nurse couldn't find a heartbeat I started to get nervous. When the second nurse couldn't find it I was ready to cry. When they couldn't find a heartbeat during the in office ultrasound I started to lose hope. I was sent to get a regular ultrasound. This would turn out to be the worst ultrasound I would go through. No mom should have to go to an ultrasound and see a baby without an ultrasound.
I was sent back to the doctor's office to talk about my options. I sat in the waiting room, having just found out I lost our baby, surrounded by pregnant women. I sat in a room as they explained to me what had happened and what would happen. I had three options and was told that I didn't have to make any decisions right now I could take a few days to think.
I felt empty. I had to go home and call the people who knew and tell them what happened. Those were the hardest phone calls I had to make. It is times like this that I wish I lived closer to home. This was a time that I needed my mom.
My husband decided that we needed to get away. He set to work finding where we could go on a mini vacation. I spent some time taking a shower trying to relax, I cried and I prayed. I prayed for the baby I lost, I prayed for my family, I prayed for any future babies, and I prayed for a calm heart.
I remember that day so clearly. I have heard that happens, that you remember the details in the worst situations. I sat down at our kitchen table just trying to breath. I am a Christian and in this moment I swear I felt a sense of peace. I felt peace that I would be okay, I felt peace that I would be pregnant again, I had peace that God had that baby with him, and I had peace that my next pregnancy would be okay.
My experience didn't end the day we had that ultrasound. A few weeks later I ended up in the ER again because I was hemorrhaging and needed to have an emergency d&c. I have an amazing doctor how reassured me and took care of me. After this experience I decided I would always stay with this office. I can't even begin to express how wonderful they are and how they helped me.
I learned during this experience that you can suffer postpartum depression after an ultrasound. I learned that when a person has not experienced it they do not understand or know what to say. I learned that this is an experience that is more common than we think but that no one really talks about it.
Trying to get pregnant was after this was an roller coaster. It took 6 months to get pregnant and I refused to take a test for 2 weeks after I started to suspect. I suffered panic attacks before I got pregnant and also during my pregnancy. Even though this was a horrible experience that I would never wish on anyone, if I had not gone through this I would not have my little rainbow baby. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I saw my doctor today I told her that I kept having babies not because I was trying for a girl but because I was trying for a redhead.
I don't know what your story is. I don't know if you have been trying for a baby for years with no success. I don't know if you have had multiple miscarriages or one like mine. What I do know is that you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to I am here. There are also great support groups all over. You don't have to go through this alone.
My first two pregnancies were pretty good. Other than having large babies, one 9 lbs 14 oz at 37 wks, they were healthy. Even though I was anxious I loved being pregnant. I loved feeling the baby move and kick. I couldn't wait to meet them and as soon as my first was born I was ready to do it again. I couldn't wait to have another baby. Little did I know what was in store for me.
It was right around my sons 3rd birthday that I learned we were going to have another baby. My anxiety was horrible, I didn't feel like I could relax at all. Early on I was sent to the hospital to get an iv after a rough night. They took me back to get an ultrasound and we were able to see a beautiful 5 wk baby.
Our follow up ultrasound showed that I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. I was told by the nurse who called not to worry that most times it would resolve itself that it would just mean that I would have to go back and get extra ultrasounds. Okay I though, I can handle this. I had my first doctor appointment where they just collect information, I was hoping they would check for the heart beat to give me a little reassurance. They didn't. Two days later I was back in the office after having some spotting in the middle of the night.
When the first nurse couldn't find a heartbeat I started to get nervous. When the second nurse couldn't find it I was ready to cry. When they couldn't find a heartbeat during the in office ultrasound I started to lose hope. I was sent to get a regular ultrasound. This would turn out to be the worst ultrasound I would go through. No mom should have to go to an ultrasound and see a baby without an ultrasound.
I was sent back to the doctor's office to talk about my options. I sat in the waiting room, having just found out I lost our baby, surrounded by pregnant women. I sat in a room as they explained to me what had happened and what would happen. I had three options and was told that I didn't have to make any decisions right now I could take a few days to think.
I felt empty. I had to go home and call the people who knew and tell them what happened. Those were the hardest phone calls I had to make. It is times like this that I wish I lived closer to home. This was a time that I needed my mom.
My husband decided that we needed to get away. He set to work finding where we could go on a mini vacation. I spent some time taking a shower trying to relax, I cried and I prayed. I prayed for the baby I lost, I prayed for my family, I prayed for any future babies, and I prayed for a calm heart.
I remember that day so clearly. I have heard that happens, that you remember the details in the worst situations. I sat down at our kitchen table just trying to breath. I am a Christian and in this moment I swear I felt a sense of peace. I felt peace that I would be okay, I felt peace that I would be pregnant again, I had peace that God had that baby with him, and I had peace that my next pregnancy would be okay.
My experience didn't end the day we had that ultrasound. A few weeks later I ended up in the ER again because I was hemorrhaging and needed to have an emergency d&c. I have an amazing doctor how reassured me and took care of me. After this experience I decided I would always stay with this office. I can't even begin to express how wonderful they are and how they helped me.
I learned during this experience that you can suffer postpartum depression after an ultrasound. I learned that when a person has not experienced it they do not understand or know what to say. I learned that this is an experience that is more common than we think but that no one really talks about it.
Trying to get pregnant was after this was an roller coaster. It took 6 months to get pregnant and I refused to take a test for 2 weeks after I started to suspect. I suffered panic attacks before I got pregnant and also during my pregnancy. Even though this was a horrible experience that I would never wish on anyone, if I had not gone through this I would not have my little rainbow baby. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I saw my doctor today I told her that I kept having babies not because I was trying for a girl but because I was trying for a redhead.
Friday, April 17, 2015
My Reality of Moving
Our moving day is approaching quickly. It is two weeks away and I'll be honest, I haven't done much. When we were listing the house we boxed up a lot of our stuff to make the house look good but there is still so much to do. On top of that you should see the pile of clean laundry on my bedroom floor bed. It seems that as soon as we got an offer on the house I just didn't clean any more. Ok that is a lie. I still "clean" everyday but not to the extent I was and with packing there are items and boxes everywhere.
So it is starting to hit me that we are moving. We are leaving the house that we came home to after our wedding. The house that each of our baby boys came home to after they were born. There are so many memories here! I know, I know, we will make lots of new ones at the new house. I am not a person who does well with change though. Frankly I don't like it! Sure I have been excited at the prospect of moving for as long as we have been looking. I can't wait to be in a bigger house with more room, but.... Its hard for me to just walk away from this one with out looking back. I thought the longer closing date would help me to adjust, and while it did for a while, I am honestly scared.
When I met my husband it was so easy for me to pick up everything and move to be closer to him. I don't think I really thought about it. It was just something I knew I had to do, but this is different. I am feeling overwhelmed and scared. I think I should take my friend's advice and hide in the closet with a bottle of wine. Just picked up two! They were on clearance at Target!
Yesterday I drove to the new town to register my son for kindergarten. This is something that has been really stressing me out because of how much I love his current school and teachers. I think a part of me didn't want us to find a house so that we would be able to keep him there and put his brothers in too. I decided to explore the town a little while I was there. My first stop....the quilt shop! Loved it and I am closer to the one I normally go to. It has a great downtown area and a huge park right in the middle. It is a great town and I can't wait to be a part of it. One problem though. We wont be living in town. We will be 10 minutes out side of town. In the country. Seriously even though it is in a neighborhood, it is still the country!
I think during that drive it hit me. I am moving out to the country, away from every thing and every one I know. I know it is something I have done before and this time I have the kids to keep me busy, but still I feel like it is so far away. Honestly though the driving difference to my friends from where I am to where I will be is 5 minutes. I think because it is in the country it just seems like so much more.
So what am I going to do to make my transition easier? I am going to blog about it and post videos on YouTube of course! Seriously though, it makes me feel so much better to share what I am going through and how I am feeling. If share it with someone else it seems like the burden on me is a little less. It also helps me to see that it really isn't that bad and keeps me moving forward. So I will move to the country. I will sign my boys up for the park district sports. I will join the local mops group. I will have lots of play dates with my friends. I will DIY the heck out of my new house. I will teach my son preschool and have daily bible stories with my boys. I know that this is a good change for my family and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us.
Phew I feel better! Now to clean the house today and build a fence tomorrow!
Keep following my journey here on crazymomm915.com or on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg?view_as=public
So it is starting to hit me that we are moving. We are leaving the house that we came home to after our wedding. The house that each of our baby boys came home to after they were born. There are so many memories here! I know, I know, we will make lots of new ones at the new house. I am not a person who does well with change though. Frankly I don't like it! Sure I have been excited at the prospect of moving for as long as we have been looking. I can't wait to be in a bigger house with more room, but.... Its hard for me to just walk away from this one with out looking back. I thought the longer closing date would help me to adjust, and while it did for a while, I am honestly scared.
When I met my husband it was so easy for me to pick up everything and move to be closer to him. I don't think I really thought about it. It was just something I knew I had to do, but this is different. I am feeling overwhelmed and scared. I think I should take my friend's advice and hide in the closet with a bottle of wine. Just picked up two! They were on clearance at Target!
Yesterday I drove to the new town to register my son for kindergarten. This is something that has been really stressing me out because of how much I love his current school and teachers. I think a part of me didn't want us to find a house so that we would be able to keep him there and put his brothers in too. I decided to explore the town a little while I was there. My first stop....the quilt shop! Loved it and I am closer to the one I normally go to. It has a great downtown area and a huge park right in the middle. It is a great town and I can't wait to be a part of it. One problem though. We wont be living in town. We will be 10 minutes out side of town. In the country. Seriously even though it is in a neighborhood, it is still the country!
I think during that drive it hit me. I am moving out to the country, away from every thing and every one I know. I know it is something I have done before and this time I have the kids to keep me busy, but still I feel like it is so far away. Honestly though the driving difference to my friends from where I am to where I will be is 5 minutes. I think because it is in the country it just seems like so much more.
So what am I going to do to make my transition easier? I am going to blog about it and post videos on YouTube of course! Seriously though, it makes me feel so much better to share what I am going through and how I am feeling. If share it with someone else it seems like the burden on me is a little less. It also helps me to see that it really isn't that bad and keeps me moving forward. So I will move to the country. I will sign my boys up for the park district sports. I will join the local mops group. I will have lots of play dates with my friends. I will DIY the heck out of my new house. I will teach my son preschool and have daily bible stories with my boys. I know that this is a good change for my family and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us.
Phew I feel better! Now to clean the house today and build a fence tomorrow!
Keep following my journey here on crazymomm915.com or on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg?view_as=public
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
I'm Stressing Out Here!
I have never been the type of person that does well with stress. Some people thrive from it or at least they say they do. I know that different people can handle a different amount of stress. Years ago while I was going through a stressful situation I had someone basically tell me to get over it and that people are under more stress than me and managing. Fantastic for them! The fact that they can handle it is great but here is the thing. I can't. I don't think that just because my stress isn't as much as someone else's that I should not feel overwhelmed by it. I feel like I have a lot of stress right now. We are moving which means I have to pack the house while taking care of normal household things (like laundry and cooking) while taking care of three little boys. On top of that I continue to make quilts for charity. Someone else might look at that and think "you think that is stressful let me too you what I have going on." Okay I understand that. I honestly feel like maybe it isn't a lot to have going on and I should be happy that I don't have more, like a full time job.
When I was in school I took a class on stress management. I figured maybe if I understand it a little more I can manage it or at least be able to deal with it. I was going to pull out the book to talk about some of the affects stress has on the body but with moving I have no idea where it is. So I googled it. First here are the things I notice when I am over stressed. I eat a lot. I am an emotional eater and when I get stressed any healthy eating flies out the window. Next I get headaches. Is this from my lack of healthy diet, the tension in my neck from clenching my muscles, lack of water, or from not wearing my glasses. I also see that I have to go to the chiropractor more because I hold my neck and shoulders so tense that it gets to the point that I can barely move them. I also notice that my anxiety goes through the roof. Last week I laid in bed deciding what would be the best fire safety plan in the new house. I decided I needed more smoke detectors more carbon monoxide detectors and a fire escape ladder.
Here is what mayoclinic.org has to say about stress on the body.
"Stress can lead to health problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. The effects it has on the body are: headaches, muscle tension or pain, chest pain, fatigue, trouble sleeping, and upset stomach. The effects on the mind are: anxiety, lack of motivation, depression, or irritability. " Stress symptoms: Effects on your body and behavior, Mayoclinic staff, June 2013
The stress management class that I took went into a lot more detail talking about what happens to the body over prolonged periods of stress. When I find the book I will talk more about it. If you are interested in the book we used it is called Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers by Robert M. Sapolsky.
The following semester I took the follow up class on different relaxation types. We learned all about meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises. Let me tell you, they work! When I start to feel overwhelmed I start with meditation. I try to find a quiet spot in my house (ha ha ha quiet spot) and try to relax. I will either turn on a meditation app or listen to a meditation video on youtube.com. I have found that once I am relaxed it is easier for me to focus on the different poses of yoga. I know when I talk about my exercising consisting of yoga people look at me funny. After being stressed for so long and not doing anything about it, my muscles are tight. Yoga really helps and I love it. I have found that by doing these two things I am able to better manage my stress. Now to find the time to do them again!
Now that you know about my stress level and what I do about it share your story. What works for you!
When I was in school I took a class on stress management. I figured maybe if I understand it a little more I can manage it or at least be able to deal with it. I was going to pull out the book to talk about some of the affects stress has on the body but with moving I have no idea where it is. So I googled it. First here are the things I notice when I am over stressed. I eat a lot. I am an emotional eater and when I get stressed any healthy eating flies out the window. Next I get headaches. Is this from my lack of healthy diet, the tension in my neck from clenching my muscles, lack of water, or from not wearing my glasses. I also see that I have to go to the chiropractor more because I hold my neck and shoulders so tense that it gets to the point that I can barely move them. I also notice that my anxiety goes through the roof. Last week I laid in bed deciding what would be the best fire safety plan in the new house. I decided I needed more smoke detectors more carbon monoxide detectors and a fire escape ladder.
Here is what mayoclinic.org has to say about stress on the body.
"Stress can lead to health problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. The effects it has on the body are: headaches, muscle tension or pain, chest pain, fatigue, trouble sleeping, and upset stomach. The effects on the mind are: anxiety, lack of motivation, depression, or irritability. " Stress symptoms: Effects on your body and behavior, Mayoclinic staff, June 2013
The stress management class that I took went into a lot more detail talking about what happens to the body over prolonged periods of stress. When I find the book I will talk more about it. If you are interested in the book we used it is called Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers by Robert M. Sapolsky.
The following semester I took the follow up class on different relaxation types. We learned all about meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises. Let me tell you, they work! When I start to feel overwhelmed I start with meditation. I try to find a quiet spot in my house (ha ha ha quiet spot) and try to relax. I will either turn on a meditation app or listen to a meditation video on youtube.com. I have found that once I am relaxed it is easier for me to focus on the different poses of yoga. I know when I talk about my exercising consisting of yoga people look at me funny. After being stressed for so long and not doing anything about it, my muscles are tight. Yoga really helps and I love it. I have found that by doing these two things I am able to better manage my stress. Now to find the time to do them again!
Now that you know about my stress level and what I do about it share your story. What works for you!
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Run like Phoebe
Do you remember the Friends when Rachel and Phoebe go running. Phoebe kinda runs like a crazy person and Rachel is embarrassed. Then she tries running like Phoebe and it is so free spirited that she loves it. Oh in the movie Hitch when Hitch is teaching Albert how to dance. Albert doesn't listen and does his own thing, he dances however he feels. I swear I need to do that. Just do my own thing and be free. Instead I run like Rachel and dance like Hitch. All it gets me is sore muscles and shin splints!
Can you imagine what life would be like not caring what other people think. Not being on a constant diet to make sure you fit in with everyone else. Honestly I like food. Okay I love it. I love food so much that I majored it in twice! Once for culinary, to get the good stuff. Then for nutrition, to get the healthy stuff. I love food so much that I am constantly thinking about my next meal or what I am going to cook. I love going anywhere there will be food and get disappointed at places where there isn't any!
You know what. I am not ashamed of that either. We need food to live. Of course I want to make sure I am making the right choices but I don't want to deprive myself and then feel bad when I eat something yummy. Can you really go through life without chocolate, ice cream, or potato chips? I know I can't, in fact I would put all three together!
It's about balance. I know I feel better when I eat healthy and can always tell when I have had too much chocolate. Yes there is such a thing. I choose to live a healthy life but not a deprived life. How do I do this? I eat very dark chocolate. It helps to satisfy my chocolate craving in a healthy way. I am talking very dark chocolate like 70% cacao or cacao nibs. Did you know it is good for your heart and can help lower blood pressure, your brain by increasing blood flow, is full of antioxidants, nutrients, and vitamins. (fitday.com)
When I crave ice cream I do one of two things, depending on what is in my freezer. If I have frozen bananas I will mix those with cocoa powder (or chocolate protein powder), milk, and powdered peanut butter in a high speed blender. This combination makes a delicious "milkshake". If I don't have frozen bananas I will just add some ice cubes to the other ingredients. I make this protein shake every day, sometimes for breakfast!
If I really want to eat out at a restaurant but am trying to be healthy (and who are we kidding, save money) I will look for a recipe to make what I am craving. The internet is an amazing place where you can find your favorite recipes, make them at home, and make them healthier.
I choose to not care what others think about me (okay so I am still working on this one!) I am opening up my life not only here but on youtube. If no one reads what I write or watches my videos that is okay, but what if someone learns something. What if someone is encouraged? What if they find hope, or motivation? You never know the impact you can have on someone else.
So I choose to run like Phoebe and dance like Albert. I choose to eat my extra dark chocolate with all natural peanut butter. I choose to try to make a difference. I choose to be me!
What are somethings that you would do if you didn't care what other people thought, if you didn't follow the crowd?
Dark chocolate info found at:
6 Health benefits of Dark Chocolate: http://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/nutrition/healthy-eating/6-health-benefits-of-dark-chocolate.html
Can you imagine what life would be like not caring what other people think. Not being on a constant diet to make sure you fit in with everyone else. Honestly I like food. Okay I love it. I love food so much that I majored it in twice! Once for culinary, to get the good stuff. Then for nutrition, to get the healthy stuff. I love food so much that I am constantly thinking about my next meal or what I am going to cook. I love going anywhere there will be food and get disappointed at places where there isn't any!
You know what. I am not ashamed of that either. We need food to live. Of course I want to make sure I am making the right choices but I don't want to deprive myself and then feel bad when I eat something yummy. Can you really go through life without chocolate, ice cream, or potato chips? I know I can't, in fact I would put all three together!
It's about balance. I know I feel better when I eat healthy and can always tell when I have had too much chocolate. Yes there is such a thing. I choose to live a healthy life but not a deprived life. How do I do this? I eat very dark chocolate. It helps to satisfy my chocolate craving in a healthy way. I am talking very dark chocolate like 70% cacao or cacao nibs. Did you know it is good for your heart and can help lower blood pressure, your brain by increasing blood flow, is full of antioxidants, nutrients, and vitamins. (fitday.com)
When I crave ice cream I do one of two things, depending on what is in my freezer. If I have frozen bananas I will mix those with cocoa powder (or chocolate protein powder), milk, and powdered peanut butter in a high speed blender. This combination makes a delicious "milkshake". If I don't have frozen bananas I will just add some ice cubes to the other ingredients. I make this protein shake every day, sometimes for breakfast!
If I really want to eat out at a restaurant but am trying to be healthy (and who are we kidding, save money) I will look for a recipe to make what I am craving. The internet is an amazing place where you can find your favorite recipes, make them at home, and make them healthier.
I choose to not care what others think about me (okay so I am still working on this one!) I am opening up my life not only here but on youtube. If no one reads what I write or watches my videos that is okay, but what if someone learns something. What if someone is encouraged? What if they find hope, or motivation? You never know the impact you can have on someone else.
So I choose to run like Phoebe and dance like Albert. I choose to eat my extra dark chocolate with all natural peanut butter. I choose to try to make a difference. I choose to be me!
What are somethings that you would do if you didn't care what other people thought, if you didn't follow the crowd?
Dark chocolate info found at:
6 Health benefits of Dark Chocolate: http://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/nutrition/healthy-eating/6-health-benefits-of-dark-chocolate.html
Monday, April 6, 2015
Surviving Chocolate filled holidays
Here I sit the day after Easter reflecting back on all the chocolate I consumed. I have learned that when you have an addiction to something you can't give in. Even a little bit! As we sat at the dinner table the dish of chocolate sat right in front of me. I fought the temptation until my sister in law took some candy. Then I noticed the mini eggs. All resistance was lost and once I started I couldn't stop!
Other than the chocolate I feel I didn't do too bad. I brought a big salad and fruit salad and made sure to pile those onto my plate rather than lots of ham and potato.
When it comes to holidays I am going to do my best but not stress myself out. I have enough stress when I look around my house at everything that needs to be done. I do want to make sure I get back on track with my diet and exercise though.
One thing that will help with those two things is my new smart phone! Yep that is right I have moved into the 21st century when it comes to phones. I am able to sync with my Vivofit, track my calories and exercise with My Fitness Pal, and get workout programs like C25K!
I also made some freezer meals to help keep us on track. Here are my recipes.
Oven Fajitas
1 green bell pepper-sliced
1 red bell pepper-sliced
1 onion- sliced
1 tomato
1 tbsp olive oil
2.5 lbs chicken tenders
fajita seasoning
Combine all ingredients in a casserole dish. At this point you can freeze for later or cook in the oven until chicken is cooked. Bake at 400 for 30-40 minutes. (If freezing thaw before baking)
Chicken Cacciatore
1 green bell pepper-sliced
1 red bell pepper- sliced
1 onion- sliced
1-15oz can crushed tomatoes
1 can tomato paste
2 tbsp Italian Seasoning
Combine all ingridients. Add to crockpot or freeze in Ziploc bag. When cooking in the crock pot cook on low for 6-8 hrs or high for 3-4 hrs. (1/2 cup red wine can be added)
Other than the chocolate I feel I didn't do too bad. I brought a big salad and fruit salad and made sure to pile those onto my plate rather than lots of ham and potato.
When it comes to holidays I am going to do my best but not stress myself out. I have enough stress when I look around my house at everything that needs to be done. I do want to make sure I get back on track with my diet and exercise though.
One thing that will help with those two things is my new smart phone! Yep that is right I have moved into the 21st century when it comes to phones. I am able to sync with my Vivofit, track my calories and exercise with My Fitness Pal, and get workout programs like C25K!
I also made some freezer meals to help keep us on track. Here are my recipes.
Oven Fajitas
1 green bell pepper-sliced
1 red bell pepper-sliced
1 onion- sliced
1 tomato
1 tbsp olive oil
2.5 lbs chicken tenders
fajita seasoning
Combine all ingredients in a casserole dish. At this point you can freeze for later or cook in the oven until chicken is cooked. Bake at 400 for 30-40 minutes. (If freezing thaw before baking)
Chicken Cacciatore
1 green bell pepper-sliced
1 red bell pepper- sliced
1 onion- sliced
1-15oz can crushed tomatoes
1 can tomato paste
2 tbsp Italian Seasoning
Combine all ingridients. Add to crockpot or freeze in Ziploc bag. When cooking in the crock pot cook on low for 6-8 hrs or high for 3-4 hrs. (1/2 cup red wine can be added)
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Please try to understand-Anxiety
I thought about writing this yesterday but was too anxious and emotional to put my feelings into words. I just wanted to talk a little about what it feels like and what goes on in my head when I get really anxious or have a panic attack. I don't think anxiety is easy for a person who doesn't have it to understand. Yesterday my husband gave me news that made me feel insignificant, lonely, and like I wasn't apart or needed for what was going on. He didn't understand why I was so upset. I called my mom, she didn't understand either. I just needed someone to understand. I needed to know that I mattered so I thought I would try to explain a little. It is hard to explain sometimes so sorry if I ramble a bit.
I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. It has almost always about me or someone I care about getting sick and dying. I remember when I was little laying in bed and my dad having to sit next to me. He would talk to me trying to get me to relax after a panic attack. The scary thing is that I see this in my oldest son, this is one of the reasons I am trying to overcome anxiety.
As I got older I became a homebody and bookworm. I would be invited to parties or to hang out with friends but I didn't go. It wasn't because I didn't want to but I was panicked. What if it is just a joke and no one will be there? What if I have no one to talk to? What if I do something or say something stupid? It got to a point where I wasn't invited anymore. I felt like an outsider. My senior year of high school I sat at a lunch table by myself.
I started to believe that the problem was me. It was because of me that people weren't coming to parties that were for me. This was my social anxiety. I didn't think I was good enough and started to make sure I went above and beyond to help others. My husband thinks I am nice to a fault and people often take advantage of me or walk all over me.
I am the kind of person who should really not watch the news or read anything online. If I see or read something I will often put myself in that situation even if there is no way it would involve me. Ebola! My family still makes fun of the panic I had when ebola was all over the news.
The thing is, I CAN'T CONTROL IT! I think this is the part that most people don't understand. I do not wake up in the morning and think, "what am I going to worry about today?" I wake up thinking what can I do today to keep my mind busy. I don't read something or hear something and move on. It consumes me. I think about it all day. I get sick to my stomach, and then get anxious that something is wrong with me because my stomach hurts.
After I had my miscarriage I was worse. I was terrified to go to the doctor because I was so scared that they were going to tell me that I was sick and would die. When I became pregnant again the anxiety got much worse. I was terrified of food. I wouldn't eat any thing uncooked because I was afraid of the germs on it. (This is where my bad eating habits started.) I was terrified of germs and would wash my hands constantly. I would wash and rewash anything I would be drinking out of or using to eat. If we went to a restaurant I would wipe down the utensils and if they touched the table after that I wouldn't use it. I would pretend to have to go to the bathroom just to be able to wash my hands. My husband caught on the 3rd time I went to the bathroom before our food came.
As crazy as it sounds though. I felt more comfortable eating at a restaurant than at home. They have regulations and sanitation inspections. It made me feel more confident in what they served. Crazy right! I bought bleach in bulk and used it on everything. EVERYTHING!
During this time I saw a memorial about a woman who died during childbirth I FREAKED OUT. My poor, poor doctors. I survived.
While my anxiety is not as bad as it was during this time. I still get the panic attacks. My heart starts to race. I feel light headed and out of control. I can't breath. I try to talk to someone but they don't understand and sometimes make me feel worse. When I call and am panicked I don't need you to tell me to get over it. I need you to talk me down for the ledge. I need to talk it out, hear how irrational the fear is. I need to be reassured that I am okay. I need your patience. I would do anything for you so please try to understand what I am feeling and going through before you roll your eyes at me and tell me you are about to hang up.
I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. It has almost always about me or someone I care about getting sick and dying. I remember when I was little laying in bed and my dad having to sit next to me. He would talk to me trying to get me to relax after a panic attack. The scary thing is that I see this in my oldest son, this is one of the reasons I am trying to overcome anxiety.
As I got older I became a homebody and bookworm. I would be invited to parties or to hang out with friends but I didn't go. It wasn't because I didn't want to but I was panicked. What if it is just a joke and no one will be there? What if I have no one to talk to? What if I do something or say something stupid? It got to a point where I wasn't invited anymore. I felt like an outsider. My senior year of high school I sat at a lunch table by myself.
I started to believe that the problem was me. It was because of me that people weren't coming to parties that were for me. This was my social anxiety. I didn't think I was good enough and started to make sure I went above and beyond to help others. My husband thinks I am nice to a fault and people often take advantage of me or walk all over me.
I am the kind of person who should really not watch the news or read anything online. If I see or read something I will often put myself in that situation even if there is no way it would involve me. Ebola! My family still makes fun of the panic I had when ebola was all over the news.
The thing is, I CAN'T CONTROL IT! I think this is the part that most people don't understand. I do not wake up in the morning and think, "what am I going to worry about today?" I wake up thinking what can I do today to keep my mind busy. I don't read something or hear something and move on. It consumes me. I think about it all day. I get sick to my stomach, and then get anxious that something is wrong with me because my stomach hurts.
After I had my miscarriage I was worse. I was terrified to go to the doctor because I was so scared that they were going to tell me that I was sick and would die. When I became pregnant again the anxiety got much worse. I was terrified of food. I wouldn't eat any thing uncooked because I was afraid of the germs on it. (This is where my bad eating habits started.) I was terrified of germs and would wash my hands constantly. I would wash and rewash anything I would be drinking out of or using to eat. If we went to a restaurant I would wipe down the utensils and if they touched the table after that I wouldn't use it. I would pretend to have to go to the bathroom just to be able to wash my hands. My husband caught on the 3rd time I went to the bathroom before our food came.
As crazy as it sounds though. I felt more comfortable eating at a restaurant than at home. They have regulations and sanitation inspections. It made me feel more confident in what they served. Crazy right! I bought bleach in bulk and used it on everything. EVERYTHING!
During this time I saw a memorial about a woman who died during childbirth I FREAKED OUT. My poor, poor doctors. I survived.
While my anxiety is not as bad as it was during this time. I still get the panic attacks. My heart starts to race. I feel light headed and out of control. I can't breath. I try to talk to someone but they don't understand and sometimes make me feel worse. When I call and am panicked I don't need you to tell me to get over it. I need you to talk me down for the ledge. I need to talk it out, hear how irrational the fear is. I need to be reassured that I am okay. I need your patience. I would do anything for you so please try to understand what I am feeling and going through before you roll your eyes at me and tell me you are about to hang up.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
I DON'T WANT TO, BUT I DID
There are some days when I don't want to type anything. I feel like the day just wore me too thin. The boys were crazy, an open house tomorrow (the house is a mess, husband works late, and no babysitter), dinner was burnt, and my husband has to work on Saturday when we were supposed to see my family. It gets to be too much! I get to the point where I feel like a volcano ready to explode, but I don't. Instead I look at my husband with tears in my eyes and let him know I understand. When the boys are hard to get into bed and I just want to scream for help. I don't I pick up there room instead (one less thing to clean tomorrow).
I can sit here and complain about my day. I can talk about how rough it was, but why. What do I honestly have to complain about. So what that my kids were crazy and driving me nuts, they are healthy, happy, and loved. So what that my husband had to work late and go in on the weekend, at least he has a job that supports us so I can stay home. Who cares that I have to bust my butt to get the house clean for an showing tomorrow, at least we have people coming to look at the house.
Instead of looking at how things are going wrong I need to start looking at the positives that are in my life. I believe that you reap what you sow. The more I give, the more I will receive. If I truly believe that I need to not be disappointed when I don't believe I am receiving enough. God is blessing me, even if I don't always see it. If something is laid upon my heart to do it should be done with no regard of how I will benefit.
I know that there are times that I look at someone's life and think I wish mine was like that. Why!? Take for instance me and pregnancy. I am terrified of pregnancy. Oh I love being pregnant and feeling the baby move, seeing my stomach grow, and watching the baby's kicks. BUT. The entire time I am pregnant I am terrified. They say you relax a little after the first trimester, not me. I worry the whole time. My last pregnancy was the worst. The thoughts of my previous miscarriage gave me horrible panic attacks. Yet when I learn that a friend is pregnant I have a little bit of jealousy. Not just that they are having another baby but that they are able to do so and be relaxed. I always wanted a pregnancy where I wasn't anxious. Who knows maybe we will get a miracle one day!
Tonight was a night I thought I didn't have anything to say. I thought the events of the day had dropped me so low that anything I typed would be just depressing. Instead I found that it helped me to realize the blessings in my life. The amazing things that God has given me. I can sit here and say that while I may get stressed and scared some times, I love my life. I love that I am the one who stays at home and raises my children. I love that I have an amazing husband who loves me even though I am crazy at times. I have friends who are there for me and a family who would do anything for me.
I may not have it all figured out but I am getting there.
I can sit here and complain about my day. I can talk about how rough it was, but why. What do I honestly have to complain about. So what that my kids were crazy and driving me nuts, they are healthy, happy, and loved. So what that my husband had to work late and go in on the weekend, at least he has a job that supports us so I can stay home. Who cares that I have to bust my butt to get the house clean for an showing tomorrow, at least we have people coming to look at the house.
Instead of looking at how things are going wrong I need to start looking at the positives that are in my life. I believe that you reap what you sow. The more I give, the more I will receive. If I truly believe that I need to not be disappointed when I don't believe I am receiving enough. God is blessing me, even if I don't always see it. If something is laid upon my heart to do it should be done with no regard of how I will benefit.
I know that there are times that I look at someone's life and think I wish mine was like that. Why!? Take for instance me and pregnancy. I am terrified of pregnancy. Oh I love being pregnant and feeling the baby move, seeing my stomach grow, and watching the baby's kicks. BUT. The entire time I am pregnant I am terrified. They say you relax a little after the first trimester, not me. I worry the whole time. My last pregnancy was the worst. The thoughts of my previous miscarriage gave me horrible panic attacks. Yet when I learn that a friend is pregnant I have a little bit of jealousy. Not just that they are having another baby but that they are able to do so and be relaxed. I always wanted a pregnancy where I wasn't anxious. Who knows maybe we will get a miracle one day!
Tonight was a night I thought I didn't have anything to say. I thought the events of the day had dropped me so low that anything I typed would be just depressing. Instead I found that it helped me to realize the blessings in my life. The amazing things that God has given me. I can sit here and say that while I may get stressed and scared some times, I love my life. I love that I am the one who stays at home and raises my children. I love that I have an amazing husband who loves me even though I am crazy at times. I have friends who are there for me and a family who would do anything for me.
I may not have it all figured out but I am getting there.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Excuses Excuses
For the longest time I was told that I didn't have to worry about losing the weight because I had just had a baby. Is that really a good excuse though? I weigh more now then I did the day I left the hospital with my son 8 months ago. I can blame the depression I went through after and how I didn't want to do anything. Lets be honest though. He was born in July. I could have been walking outside with him everyday to help with the weight. I could have eaten more fruit and a lot less chocolate. I didn't have to eat six cookies instead of just one. I could have made changes but I didn't I made excuses.
Maybe it is the warm weather, or the sunny days, but I am not making excuses anymore. Yesterday was the first day I used my VivoFit and actually seeing how many steps I was taking motivated me. I wanted to see those numbers go up. I did learn that just doing a few chores around the house I walked a mile. That was it for the day though. I didn't leave the house until my husband got home. Sure it was cold outside but we honestly could have bundled up and went on a walk.
Today was different. I wanted to meet my goals! I joined a step challenge on the VivoFit, Garmin, site. I am currently, as of 7:30, in 4th place. I have never really been very competitive but I really want to get first. I love my new tracker and I definitely think that it is a great motivation to get started and get moving.
I have noticed that joining different fitness groups that friends are in is a great motivation too. I don't know if it is because of spring or the new tracker but I am super excited to see what happens. I know that I can meet my goal!
What do you use to stay motivated, or to get active? Being held accountable by other people is great. If I see someone who knows what I am trying to do they ask me how it is going. I better have a good answer or I feel crazy guilty! I may not be perfect with everything I am changing but I am so excited that I am at last moving in the right direction.
If you are interested in seeing more of my fitness and health journey click the follow button.
You can also see my updates on https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg
Follow me on MyFitnessPal- Amanda915
Maybe it is the warm weather, or the sunny days, but I am not making excuses anymore. Yesterday was the first day I used my VivoFit and actually seeing how many steps I was taking motivated me. I wanted to see those numbers go up. I did learn that just doing a few chores around the house I walked a mile. That was it for the day though. I didn't leave the house until my husband got home. Sure it was cold outside but we honestly could have bundled up and went on a walk.
Today was different. I wanted to meet my goals! I joined a step challenge on the VivoFit, Garmin, site. I am currently, as of 7:30, in 4th place. I have never really been very competitive but I really want to get first. I love my new tracker and I definitely think that it is a great motivation to get started and get moving.
I have noticed that joining different fitness groups that friends are in is a great motivation too. I don't know if it is because of spring or the new tracker but I am super excited to see what happens. I know that I can meet my goal!
What do you use to stay motivated, or to get active? Being held accountable by other people is great. If I see someone who knows what I am trying to do they ask me how it is going. I better have a good answer or I feel crazy guilty! I may not be perfect with everything I am changing but I am so excited that I am at last moving in the right direction.
If you are interested in seeing more of my fitness and health journey click the follow button.
You can also see my updates on https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg
Follow me on MyFitnessPal- Amanda915
Monday, March 23, 2015
Starting something new!
I can't believe that it is spring! Okay so with the ice that covered my car this morning it may not feel like it is, but it is officially spring! I love spring because this is when 50 degrees can feel amazing. I also see it as a great time to start something new.
This weekend I ordered my first wrist activity tracker. For a person with a non smart phone this is very exciting for me. I like that I can connect it to my tablet and actually see everything that I have been doing rather than having to input all the information myself (because that is so much more work). I can't wait to get it and start moving. I hope that it motivates me to get going and get those numbers moving.
We are also moving this spring, 37 more days. We are leaving the cities and moving out to the country. For a city girl this is going to be a big change, but I can't wait to get started. Let's just hope I have everything packed before we move! Another big change that takes place with this move will be our food. We are not bringing anything with us and this is a great way for us to better start our healthy eating. I am personally doing good, down 6 pounds, but this is a great way to get my family on board. I am hoping that I will also be able to take this time and start making more things from scratch, and I'm not just talking about food. I am used to having a grocery store right down the street and I am not going to have that anymore so I want to make sure that if I run out of something I have everything I need to just make my own at home. There will be lots of baking days with me new double oven!!
I will be keeping busy with lots of decorating and DIY projects. This is also the year that Kael starts kindergarten, I think know I'm more nervous than he is. I am also going to start teaching Ian preschool at home. This is something I have always wanted to do but never really found the time or space to do it. I can't wait to get started but will also put him into a few programs at the local park district to help him make new friends. I can't believe that in just a few short months my little baby boy is going to be 1! I am going to be planning a big DIY party.
With all these changes taking place I wanted to find a way to document them so that I would never forget our exciting year. So I decided to start a mommy channel on youtube.com. I will still be blogging but will now be making videos, as soon as I find my camera. I will be honest it sounds so easy to sit down and talk into a camera, so much easier than sitting in front of a crowd of people but I have already had 6 takes. I finally get it how I like it and my webcam had no sound! I know that I will get there. This is something I have been wanting to do for a very long time and can't wait to get started.
If you want to watch me and see how I am doing on my weigh loss challenge, moving with three boys 5 and under, and all my diy projects check out my channel. I can't wait to get started and see where the future will take us!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg
This weekend I ordered my first wrist activity tracker. For a person with a non smart phone this is very exciting for me. I like that I can connect it to my tablet and actually see everything that I have been doing rather than having to input all the information myself (because that is so much more work). I can't wait to get it and start moving. I hope that it motivates me to get going and get those numbers moving.
We are also moving this spring, 37 more days. We are leaving the cities and moving out to the country. For a city girl this is going to be a big change, but I can't wait to get started. Let's just hope I have everything packed before we move! Another big change that takes place with this move will be our food. We are not bringing anything with us and this is a great way for us to better start our healthy eating. I am personally doing good, down 6 pounds, but this is a great way to get my family on board. I am hoping that I will also be able to take this time and start making more things from scratch, and I'm not just talking about food. I am used to having a grocery store right down the street and I am not going to have that anymore so I want to make sure that if I run out of something I have everything I need to just make my own at home. There will be lots of baking days with me new double oven!!
I will be keeping busy with lots of decorating and DIY projects. This is also the year that Kael starts kindergarten, I
With all these changes taking place I wanted to find a way to document them so that I would never forget our exciting year. So I decided to start a mommy channel on youtube.com. I will still be blogging but will now be making videos, as soon as I find my camera. I will be honest it sounds so easy to sit down and talk into a camera, so much easier than sitting in front of a crowd of people but I have already had 6 takes. I finally get it how I like it and my webcam had no sound! I know that I will get there. This is something I have been wanting to do for a very long time and can't wait to get started.
If you want to watch me and see how I am doing on my weigh loss challenge, moving with three boys 5 and under, and all my diy projects check out my channel. I can't wait to get started and see where the future will take us!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkRo-KrjQ5Mc_gleFGeqpsg
Saturday, March 21, 2015
The hardest part
It is lonely to be a stay at home mom (sahm). I think it is one thing that people who work don't realize. I am sure that so many people wonder what there is to complain about because I don't have to go to a job, I get to stay home. I love my children and I love that I get to raise them myself but it is lonely. Most of my mommy friends have gone back to work or don't live close to me. So I spend my days breaking up fights, negotiating who gets to play with what toy, changing diapers, making meals, cleaning the house, driving to school, and now packing to move.
I have no one to talk to and its depressing. I wish I lived closer to home where I could see my mom on a daily basis or the friends I grew up with. I wish I could take my children to the preschool I went to. I wish I could call my friends when I just feel stressed and need someone to talk to, but I don't Don't get me wrong, I have amazing friends! A lot of them work though and honestly I don't want them to know how crazy I really am. Instead I call my sister, but she is working again and is either sleeping or taking classes. I call my mom, but she is recovering from surgery and teaching my niece. I call my husband but he is busy at work. I love the people in my life! I just wish I could see them more. So I started a blog.
I have no idea who reads my blog if anyone, but it is my way of talking it out. Sure I am making my fears, failures, and goals public but it is like a release. I can type and at least imagine someone reading it and possibly going through the same thing as me. I have more things I would like to do eventually but that is for another time.
On the plus side...IT'S FINALLY SPRING!
I am finally able to get out. I am finally able to have play dates, not just for the kids but for mommy. I am working on getting a workout schedule established. I can't wait to see what spring holds and I can't wait to get out and spend more time with the people who keep me sane! I feel like I am taking more steps in the right direction. I just ordered an activity tracker so I can see my goals and progress. I am eating healthier and am already down 6 lbs. I think that is pretty good for changing my diet but not working out! I am getting out more. I am seeing more friends and talking to people. I am trying to get active by taking walks with my 3 little men. I feel like I am making progress and I can't wait to see what is in store for me next!
Recipe from my 5 year old son:
Candied bananas.
Take one banana and cut it into slices. Coat it with honey and sprinkle it with sprinkles.
Click the follow button to join me on my journey to becoming healthier.
I have no one to talk to and its depressing. I wish I lived closer to home where I could see my mom on a daily basis or the friends I grew up with. I wish I could take my children to the preschool I went to. I wish I could call my friends when I just feel stressed and need someone to talk to, but I don't Don't get me wrong, I have amazing friends! A lot of them work though and honestly I don't want them to know how crazy I really am. Instead I call my sister, but she is working again and is either sleeping or taking classes. I call my mom, but she is recovering from surgery and teaching my niece. I call my husband but he is busy at work. I love the people in my life! I just wish I could see them more. So I started a blog.
I have no idea who reads my blog if anyone, but it is my way of talking it out. Sure I am making my fears, failures, and goals public but it is like a release. I can type and at least imagine someone reading it and possibly going through the same thing as me. I have more things I would like to do eventually but that is for another time.
On the plus side...IT'S FINALLY SPRING!
I am finally able to get out. I am finally able to have play dates, not just for the kids but for mommy. I am working on getting a workout schedule established. I can't wait to see what spring holds and I can't wait to get out and spend more time with the people who keep me sane! I feel like I am taking more steps in the right direction. I just ordered an activity tracker so I can see my goals and progress. I am eating healthier and am already down 6 lbs. I think that is pretty good for changing my diet but not working out! I am getting out more. I am seeing more friends and talking to people. I am trying to get active by taking walks with my 3 little men. I feel like I am making progress and I can't wait to see what is in store for me next!
Recipe from my 5 year old son:
Candied bananas.
Take one banana and cut it into slices. Coat it with honey and sprinkle it with sprinkles.
Click the follow button to join me on my journey to becoming healthier.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Its so Fluffy!
"It's so Fluffy!" I love that line from Despicable Me, the little girl squeezing her new stuffed animal as she says it. I never thought those words would be something to describe me, but there they were out of the mouth of my oldest son. We sat on the couch last night, after a busy day cleaning and then playing outside while a potential buyer went through our house, and he said it "you're so fluffy mom." He sat there pressing on my thigh and then on his, shrugged his shoulders and went up to bed. I sat there stunned. Is this what sons think of me? I'm fluffy.
I was upset, in fact I had trouble falling asleep last night. I feel like I am constantly trying so hard to get healthier but never get anywhere. It hit me last night that I am always doing it for the wrong reasons. Every time I am trying to lose weight it is for someone else. For my doctor so they can see how healthy I am. For my mom so she can see that I can do it and she doesn't need to worry about me. For my husband so I can be the girl he met 10 years ago. For my children so they can have a thin mom they can be proud of. The only time I have ever tried to lose the weight for myself is 11 years ago.
I was over worked, stressed, depressed, and felt like I had no hope. I even questioned a lot of my faith. I was angry at myself that I had gotten to this point. I decided I needed to do something. I dramatically cut back from work (I was working 60 hours and had a 20 hour work load at school). I decided that whenever I was stressed or depressed I was going to go work out. I had an awesome work out partner that would make sure I was there and motivated. If we were going to meet at the gym and I wanted to watch something on TV I would get there early to make sure I had a TV reserved. This meant that sometimes I worked out for 90-120 minutes instead of my normal 60. I never ordered an entree from a restaurant but would instead get a side salad (dressing on the side) and a side of steamed (not sauteed) vegetables.
I started to notice a difference! Not only was I losing weight but I was confident and my depression and anxiety were nearly gone. I was so confident that I applied for Culinary school in Australia! I remember I was taking a nap when the letter from the school came in. My sister ran into my room jumped on my bed and told me I HAD to go. I worked hard but wasn't able to come up with the money I would need (later found out I could have gone to a later session), so I decided to use the money I had saved and take a vacation to Australia and New Zealand. I continued to lose weight on my trip. I was too cheap to buy big meals so I stuck with my salads, added some breads, and occasionally had a special treat! I was also very active there. Climbing mountains and hiking volcanoes, we walked everywhere!! I came back 10 pounds lighter.
Not long after this I met someone who was a personal trainer. We started dating and I felt I had to keep up the healthiness for him. It was harder. Things didn't last long with him and I soon met my now husband. I remember the first time we met. I was coloring for work (I was a preschool teacher at this time) and he walked up to me and said, "you must be the one I'm supposed to meet." Okay so we had planned to meet after emailing each other for a month but I still loved it! He moved to a different area, I stayed and became a nanny. After the summer I followed.
This is where the weight started to come back. I was alone. I left everything to move 2 hours away for a guy! I had no friends, no job, and I was soon depressed again. The weight came back slowly. Clothes started to get tight and soon I was getting a new wardrobe. When my sister got married I was wearing a size 6-8 when I got married 1.5 years later I was wearing a 12/13. I felt I didn't have the time or energy to be going to the gym and I didn't have anyone to go with me and keep me motivated.
So here I sit 90 pounds heavier than I was when I met my husband. I am sure I can get back to that weight but am not sure I want to. It was a lot of work! I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, and I want to be confident again. The only way I will get back to where I was is to do it for myself. I can't rely on making someone else happy with my progress, I need to be making myself happy. So I think I need to be a little selfish. I need to take the time to plan my meals, I need to take the time to get my work out in, and I need to take time for myself. This is not something I think will be easy, I'm a stay at home mom with 3 little boys. If I do not take care of myself how can I take care of them. I need to ask for help. I need to have faith that they will be okay even if I am not with them 24-7.
I need to be me again! Who is with me? Tell me what you are doing to get healthier. Are you doing it for yourself? Leave a comment below. In a society where everything seems to be so negative lets be encouraging and see the difference we can make.
Click the follow button to see my progress, get healthy recipes, and be encouraged.
I was upset, in fact I had trouble falling asleep last night. I feel like I am constantly trying so hard to get healthier but never get anywhere. It hit me last night that I am always doing it for the wrong reasons. Every time I am trying to lose weight it is for someone else. For my doctor so they can see how healthy I am. For my mom so she can see that I can do it and she doesn't need to worry about me. For my husband so I can be the girl he met 10 years ago. For my children so they can have a thin mom they can be proud of. The only time I have ever tried to lose the weight for myself is 11 years ago.
I was over worked, stressed, depressed, and felt like I had no hope. I even questioned a lot of my faith. I was angry at myself that I had gotten to this point. I decided I needed to do something. I dramatically cut back from work (I was working 60 hours and had a 20 hour work load at school). I decided that whenever I was stressed or depressed I was going to go work out. I had an awesome work out partner that would make sure I was there and motivated. If we were going to meet at the gym and I wanted to watch something on TV I would get there early to make sure I had a TV reserved. This meant that sometimes I worked out for 90-120 minutes instead of my normal 60. I never ordered an entree from a restaurant but would instead get a side salad (dressing on the side) and a side of steamed (not sauteed) vegetables.
I started to notice a difference! Not only was I losing weight but I was confident and my depression and anxiety were nearly gone. I was so confident that I applied for Culinary school in Australia! I remember I was taking a nap when the letter from the school came in. My sister ran into my room jumped on my bed and told me I HAD to go. I worked hard but wasn't able to come up with the money I would need (later found out I could have gone to a later session), so I decided to use the money I had saved and take a vacation to Australia and New Zealand. I continued to lose weight on my trip. I was too cheap to buy big meals so I stuck with my salads, added some breads, and occasionally had a special treat! I was also very active there. Climbing mountains and hiking volcanoes, we walked everywhere!! I came back 10 pounds lighter.
Not long after this I met someone who was a personal trainer. We started dating and I felt I had to keep up the healthiness for him. It was harder. Things didn't last long with him and I soon met my now husband. I remember the first time we met. I was coloring for work (I was a preschool teacher at this time) and he walked up to me and said, "you must be the one I'm supposed to meet." Okay so we had planned to meet after emailing each other for a month but I still loved it! He moved to a different area, I stayed and became a nanny. After the summer I followed.
This is where the weight started to come back. I was alone. I left everything to move 2 hours away for a guy! I had no friends, no job, and I was soon depressed again. The weight came back slowly. Clothes started to get tight and soon I was getting a new wardrobe. When my sister got married I was wearing a size 6-8 when I got married 1.5 years later I was wearing a 12/13. I felt I didn't have the time or energy to be going to the gym and I didn't have anyone to go with me and keep me motivated.
So here I sit 90 pounds heavier than I was when I met my husband. I am sure I can get back to that weight but am not sure I want to. It was a lot of work! I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, and I want to be confident again. The only way I will get back to where I was is to do it for myself. I can't rely on making someone else happy with my progress, I need to be making myself happy. So I think I need to be a little selfish. I need to take the time to plan my meals, I need to take the time to get my work out in, and I need to take time for myself. This is not something I think will be easy, I'm a stay at home mom with 3 little boys. If I do not take care of myself how can I take care of them. I need to ask for help. I need to have faith that they will be okay even if I am not with them 24-7.
I need to be me again! Who is with me? Tell me what you are doing to get healthier. Are you doing it for yourself? Leave a comment below. In a society where everything seems to be so negative lets be encouraging and see the difference we can make.
Click the follow button to see my progress, get healthy recipes, and be encouraged.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
You are enough!
You are enough is something I think we need to hear time to time. It's something that I wish I could hear more. My husband is great at telling me I don't need to change anything when I ask him what I can do to be a better wife, but often time I don't believe it. I feel like I am not good enough.
You are enough, you don't need to be perfect to be loved or liked.
You are enough, you don't need to follow the crowd.
You are enough, be yourself.
You are enough, you don't have to lose weight to look great, or wear makeup to be pretty.
You are enough!
This is something I struggle with and I think more often then not it is all me. I am the one who makes me feel this way. I am the one who feels like I don't fit in with my friends. I don't have enough money, I am not skinny enough, I am not funny enough. Where does it end? When will we be happy with who we are?
I have 3 little boys and at first I was sad that I wasn't having a little girl, I grieved for the relationship I was going to miss out on. The more I thought about it though, I am actually happy I have boys. I don't have to worry about my children going through what I went through. The group of "friends" that get together and write a nasty letter about you. Something I tried to brush off but learned who my real friends were when they decided to take action. I didn't need to change who I was to fit in, I just needed to find the right person. They made me feel like I was enough.
Little by little I am learning that I am enough. I struggle with who I am and who I want to be, but I am enough. I don't need to win friends over by doing things for them. They like me for who I am and not what I can do for them. I am not perfect but I am me. I am the person I was created to be and I have to learn that if someone doesn't like me for who I am they are not worth my time.
It is not worth your time to struggle and try to be someone you aren't. You are enough. I don't think I can say it enough. You are enough. You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are loved. Don't let anyone tell you any differently. Who ever you are strive to be the best you! There is no one else like you, you make a difference, and the world needs you for who you are. Be you, be amazing!
You are enough, you don't need to be perfect to be loved or liked.
You are enough, you don't need to follow the crowd.
You are enough, be yourself.
You are enough, you don't have to lose weight to look great, or wear makeup to be pretty.
You are enough!
This is something I struggle with and I think more often then not it is all me. I am the one who makes me feel this way. I am the one who feels like I don't fit in with my friends. I don't have enough money, I am not skinny enough, I am not funny enough. Where does it end? When will we be happy with who we are?
I have 3 little boys and at first I was sad that I wasn't having a little girl, I grieved for the relationship I was going to miss out on. The more I thought about it though, I am actually happy I have boys. I don't have to worry about my children going through what I went through. The group of "friends" that get together and write a nasty letter about you. Something I tried to brush off but learned who my real friends were when they decided to take action. I didn't need to change who I was to fit in, I just needed to find the right person. They made me feel like I was enough.
Little by little I am learning that I am enough. I struggle with who I am and who I want to be, but I am enough. I don't need to win friends over by doing things for them. They like me for who I am and not what I can do for them. I am not perfect but I am me. I am the person I was created to be and I have to learn that if someone doesn't like me for who I am they are not worth my time.
It is not worth your time to struggle and try to be someone you aren't. You are enough. I don't think I can say it enough. You are enough. You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are loved. Don't let anyone tell you any differently. Who ever you are strive to be the best you! There is no one else like you, you make a difference, and the world needs you for who you are. Be you, be amazing!
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Just one of those days
It's one of those days where I just feel blah. I even wondered if I should write anything. I have been visiting different websites and getting meal plans and recipes. I look at these sites and I think, that's what I want to do. I want to build up my site to look that good and have that much information. I am still in the early phase those where I don't really know what I am doing. It doesn't help how I have been feeling lately. I read somewhere that when you stop eating sugar you go through a detox and anxiety can be increased. I remember thinking , "great just what I need!" So here I am 9 days from the last time I had sweets or dessert and I feel miserable. I am believing that it will get better and that I will be able to actually express what I want to do here and see my page grow. It hard in the beginning. So please bear with me during these beginning months. Once I get my head back on straight things will get better.
One thing that is getting me through is thinking about our upcoming move. I am looking at this move as a restart. I don't want to take any food (except frozen breast milk) with us when we move. I want to start fresh and from scratch. I know that I can create a healthy household and what better way then to start with a whole new pantry! I am currently following the 100 Days of Real Food plan but soon I will be able to create mine. I am excited to see how things go and how we grow as a family.
Today I was at the grocery store trying to figure out what I was going to make for lunch and picking up the last few things for dinner. As we were going through the aisles my 3 yr old would see something he wanted. He would remind me that we had run out of what ever he wanted. He would look at me with tears in his eyes and say, "we ran out mom, remember we ran out, remember." As cute as he is when he says it we did not buy the ice cream. Instead we picked up hummus and vegetables.
I know my days can only get better, my diet can only get better, my health can only get better, and my blog can only get better. Today is just one bad day it the middle of lots of good days.
One thing that is getting me through is thinking about our upcoming move. I am looking at this move as a restart. I don't want to take any food (except frozen breast milk) with us when we move. I want to start fresh and from scratch. I know that I can create a healthy household and what better way then to start with a whole new pantry! I am currently following the 100 Days of Real Food plan but soon I will be able to create mine. I am excited to see how things go and how we grow as a family.
Today I was at the grocery store trying to figure out what I was going to make for lunch and picking up the last few things for dinner. As we were going through the aisles my 3 yr old would see something he wanted. He would remind me that we had run out of what ever he wanted. He would look at me with tears in his eyes and say, "we ran out mom, remember we ran out, remember." As cute as he is when he says it we did not buy the ice cream. Instead we picked up hummus and vegetables.
I know my days can only get better, my diet can only get better, my health can only get better, and my blog can only get better. Today is just one bad day it the middle of lots of good days.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
At least it's organic!
So you go to the grocery store and start your shopping. What do you pick up? Do you get fresh produce or grab organic packaged foods? It is so easy to look around us think about the time it takes to make food from scratch and just pick up the organic convenience food. I used to think, "it's organic so it's good for me." Not necessarily. Just because the ice cream says organic does not mean it is good for me and that I can eat the whole carton. Most packaged foods are processed even if they are organic. Read the ingredient list, can you pronounce all the ingredients listed? If not, put it down. If I can't pronounce it, it doesn't need to be in my body.
Try cooking from scratch. When you know what is going into you food you can feel better about the food that you eat. Last night I made whole wheat hamburger buns from scratch. I have done this in the past and they were always really dry, but last night I read something in a recipe that I never thought about. The recipe said that once the dough starts to come together in a ball, STOP! Let it rest because the whole wheat flour will soak up more liquid and if you continue you could end up adding too much flour and they will turn out dry. Makes sense and they were amazing! Best hamburger bun I have had in a while, the hamburger needed a little work but at least the bun was good.
Changing the way I look at food is hard. I have learned that creating a menu plan for all meals is very important. Normally I create a menu for dinner and then look in the fridge with no ideas of what to make for lunch. I scavenge to find something clean to eat and often don't eat enough and am hungry shortly after eating. So this week I plan to create a meal plan for all three meals. I hope to have it done and posted in the next few days. I will do my best to include a shopping list and recipes also. For now here is the recipe for the whole wheat buns I made last night.
Honey Whole Wheat Buns (found on http://www.theprairiehomestead.com)
1 Cup milk
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup honey
1 egg
1 tsp salt
2 1/2 tsp yeast or 1 packet
2 to 3.5 cups whole wheat flour
I used a kitchen aid mixer with the hook attachment to make my dough. If this is not available to you just use a bowl and knead with your hands.
Combine the milk, honey, and butter in a small saucepan. On low heat it until slightly warm (I ended up just putting it in the microwave for 30 seconds). Put yeast into mixing bowl,while stirring, slowly add the milk mixture to the yeast. Begin adding the flour, take your time and knead as you add the flour. Once a ball starts to form stop and let the dough rest for 2-3 min. After this time add a little more flour if needed. You want the dough to be slightly sticky. Continue kneading for 6-7 minutes adding flour if needed. Cover with a clean towel or plastic wrap and let sit in a warm place for 60 minutes. Divide the dough into 8-12 portions, depending on the size you want. Roll them into a ball, place on a cookie sheet, cover, and let rest for another 30 minutes. Bake for 12-18 minutes at 375 degrees.
Let me know how your buns turned out and follow me to get more tips and recipes. Leave comments on recipes you want me to try or questions you have. If I don't know an answer I will find the answer!
If you want healthy meals but don't have the time to grocery stop check out plated.com or blueapron.com they will do the prep work you do the cooking!
Try cooking from scratch. When you know what is going into you food you can feel better about the food that you eat. Last night I made whole wheat hamburger buns from scratch. I have done this in the past and they were always really dry, but last night I read something in a recipe that I never thought about. The recipe said that once the dough starts to come together in a ball, STOP! Let it rest because the whole wheat flour will soak up more liquid and if you continue you could end up adding too much flour and they will turn out dry. Makes sense and they were amazing! Best hamburger bun I have had in a while, the hamburger needed a little work but at least the bun was good.
Changing the way I look at food is hard. I have learned that creating a menu plan for all meals is very important. Normally I create a menu for dinner and then look in the fridge with no ideas of what to make for lunch. I scavenge to find something clean to eat and often don't eat enough and am hungry shortly after eating. So this week I plan to create a meal plan for all three meals. I hope to have it done and posted in the next few days. I will do my best to include a shopping list and recipes also. For now here is the recipe for the whole wheat buns I made last night.
Honey Whole Wheat Buns (found on http://www.theprairiehomestead.com)
1 Cup milk
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup honey
1 egg
1 tsp salt
2 1/2 tsp yeast or 1 packet
2 to 3.5 cups whole wheat flour
I used a kitchen aid mixer with the hook attachment to make my dough. If this is not available to you just use a bowl and knead with your hands.
Combine the milk, honey, and butter in a small saucepan. On low heat it until slightly warm (I ended up just putting it in the microwave for 30 seconds). Put yeast into mixing bowl,while stirring, slowly add the milk mixture to the yeast. Begin adding the flour, take your time and knead as you add the flour. Once a ball starts to form stop and let the dough rest for 2-3 min. After this time add a little more flour if needed. You want the dough to be slightly sticky. Continue kneading for 6-7 minutes adding flour if needed. Cover with a clean towel or plastic wrap and let sit in a warm place for 60 minutes. Divide the dough into 8-12 portions, depending on the size you want. Roll them into a ball, place on a cookie sheet, cover, and let rest for another 30 minutes. Bake for 12-18 minutes at 375 degrees.
Let me know how your buns turned out and follow me to get more tips and recipes. Leave comments on recipes you want me to try or questions you have. If I don't know an answer I will find the answer!
If you want healthy meals but don't have the time to grocery stop check out plated.com or blueapron.com they will do the prep work you do the cooking!
Monday, March 9, 2015
Pile it on
Are you a people pleaser? I am. I take on more projects than I can handle just to get the approval of the person asking. Ahhh! It can often lead me to feeling overwhelmed and wanting to eat everything in the kitchen. These last few weeks I have taken on a lot including two quilts that needed to be done, one for a raffle, the other a baby shower (shown below). Come Friday I was overwhelmed and getting the quilts finished while trying to clean my house, I was pulling my hair out. I wanted comfort food! As I mentioned before it is all in my head and last week I fought of the desire to eat comfort food. I will be honest, I did cheat a little on my clean eating while out of town this weekend. Not too much and I didn't let it discourage me. If you slip up and eat something that isn't a part of your "plan" don't beat yourself up! Move on. There is nothing you can do to change that moment of weakness but you can continue on your journey and soon you won't give into to those cravings.
While out of town I spent some time with my sister in law. She is in the same boat as me, trying to lose weight while fighting anxiety and depression. I am proud of her! She has lost a lot of weight already and I know that she can reach her goals. I can't wait to see what she can do!
This weekend we tried the overnight refrigerator oatmeal. I made double portions of a cocoa banana oatmeal and we brought it with us. It uses cocoa powder so it did have a little bit of bitterness but was great when the banana was added. I personally liked it cooked but my husband ate it cold. The great thing about this breakfast is that it is healthy, clean, and quick. Make it the night before, throw it in the fridge and grab it on the way out the door. No more excuse not to eat breakfast! I will include a link to the recipe below.
Tomorrow night we will be having roasted whole chicken. My husband hates the smell of cooking chicken unless it is roasting. I found a quick and easy way to do it. In the crockpot! Take foil and tear it into strips. Ball up the strips, you want to have 4-6 small balls. They should take up most of the bottom of the crockpot. Place the whole chicken on the foil, season, and cook on low for 7 hrs or high for 4 hrs. The chicken will be moist and roasted just like what you would find in the grocery store!
Overnight oatmeal!
http://www.theyummylife.com/Refrigerator_Oatmeal
One of the quilts that kept my hands busy and not putting food in my mouth!
While out of town I spent some time with my sister in law. She is in the same boat as me, trying to lose weight while fighting anxiety and depression. I am proud of her! She has lost a lot of weight already and I know that she can reach her goals. I can't wait to see what she can do!
This weekend we tried the overnight refrigerator oatmeal. I made double portions of a cocoa banana oatmeal and we brought it with us. It uses cocoa powder so it did have a little bit of bitterness but was great when the banana was added. I personally liked it cooked but my husband ate it cold. The great thing about this breakfast is that it is healthy, clean, and quick. Make it the night before, throw it in the fridge and grab it on the way out the door. No more excuse not to eat breakfast! I will include a link to the recipe below.
Tomorrow night we will be having roasted whole chicken. My husband hates the smell of cooking chicken unless it is roasting. I found a quick and easy way to do it. In the crockpot! Take foil and tear it into strips. Ball up the strips, you want to have 4-6 small balls. They should take up most of the bottom of the crockpot. Place the whole chicken on the foil, season, and cook on low for 7 hrs or high for 4 hrs. The chicken will be moist and roasted just like what you would find in the grocery store!
Overnight oatmeal!
http://www.theyummylife.com/Refrigerator_Oatmeal
One of the quilts that kept my hands busy and not putting food in my mouth!
Thursday, March 5, 2015
It's all in your head!
I came to a realization today. I choose what I put into my mouth, not the other way around. I know there are some people out there that are thinking, "well duh!" For me though, giving into the cravings was an everyday occurrence. If I wanted a milk shake I either got or made a milk shake, then felt really horrible and guilty afterwards. Today I started my real food journey and I feel like I have been doing great. Normally I would not know what to make for breakfast, especially when it has to be clean, but today we started our day with homemade apple cinnamon oatmeal. Lunch was tough we were out going to stores and I was hungry! Mmm Panera would be good or how about Subway? I stuck to it though I beat those cravings and came home to leftover clean pizza! How about that milk shake I was craving? I blended frozen bananas, cocoa powder, powdered peanut butter, and milk. There you have it a healthy "milkshake"! It was when I was sipping on my "milkshake" that I had that little ah ha moment. Hopefully it only gets easier from here!
Another thing I have discovered I have a choice about is my anxiety and depression. I know that it is not just going to go away, but I also know that if I don't work to beat it I will just continue to struggle. So I work to keep myself busy, this way I won't have time to think. I quilt blankets, clean my house, and take care of my kids. Oh and now I make homemade, healthy, and clean meals. It may be happening slowly but I am starting to feel a difference. Today when the anxiety hit instead of dwelling and calling everyone I know I sat down at my sewing machine.
I am learning that I am on a journey not a race. I would rather work to correct the problem than just simply "band aid"it. I am learning I am stronger than I think and I can only get stronger! I am in control of my decisions and from now on I am making them for the good of myself and my family.
Whole Wheat Pizza dough- I just made my basic dough with WW flour and Vital Wheat Gluten added.
2 1/2 -3 cups of Whole Wheat Flour
1 cup warm water
1 package dry active yeast
1 tbsp Vital Wheat Gluten (Found in baking or health food section of grocery store)
1 tbsp Olive oil
1 tsp Salt
In a measuring cup combine warm water and yeast. Let it sit a few minutes till it blooms (foams on the top.) Combine all other ingredients in a mixing bowl, Kitchen aid, or food processor. Add the water and mix until a ball forms, then knead for 10 minutes (this is where a food processor or Kitchen aid helps!) Let rise for a few hours or overnight (this is important, I didn't let it rise enough and my crust was dense). After a few hours roll out your dough and top as you would like. I used homemade tomato sauce (tomato sauce, Italian seasoning, garlic powder, salt, and pepper), sausage, and fresh mozzarella cheese.
Tomorrow I will be having refrigerator oatmeal for breakfast.
Another thing I have discovered I have a choice about is my anxiety and depression. I know that it is not just going to go away, but I also know that if I don't work to beat it I will just continue to struggle. So I work to keep myself busy, this way I won't have time to think. I quilt blankets, clean my house, and take care of my kids. Oh and now I make homemade, healthy, and clean meals. It may be happening slowly but I am starting to feel a difference. Today when the anxiety hit instead of dwelling and calling everyone I know I sat down at my sewing machine.
I am learning that I am on a journey not a race. I would rather work to correct the problem than just simply "band aid"it. I am learning I am stronger than I think and I can only get stronger! I am in control of my decisions and from now on I am making them for the good of myself and my family.
Whole Wheat Pizza dough- I just made my basic dough with WW flour and Vital Wheat Gluten added.
2 1/2 -3 cups of Whole Wheat Flour
1 cup warm water
1 package dry active yeast
1 tbsp Vital Wheat Gluten (Found in baking or health food section of grocery store)
1 tbsp Olive oil
1 tsp Salt
In a measuring cup combine warm water and yeast. Let it sit a few minutes till it blooms (foams on the top.) Combine all other ingredients in a mixing bowl, Kitchen aid, or food processor. Add the water and mix until a ball forms, then knead for 10 minutes (this is where a food processor or Kitchen aid helps!) Let rise for a few hours or overnight (this is important, I didn't let it rise enough and my crust was dense). After a few hours roll out your dough and top as you would like. I used homemade tomato sauce (tomato sauce, Italian seasoning, garlic powder, salt, and pepper), sausage, and fresh mozzarella cheese.
Tomorrow I will be having refrigerator oatmeal for breakfast.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)