There are some days when I don't want to type anything. I feel like the day just wore me too thin. The boys were crazy, an open house tomorrow (the house is a mess, husband works late, and no babysitter), dinner was burnt, and my husband has to work on Saturday when we were supposed to see my family. It gets to be too much! I get to the point where I feel like a volcano ready to explode, but I don't. Instead I look at my husband with tears in my eyes and let him know I understand. When the boys are hard to get into bed and I just want to scream for help. I don't I pick up there room instead (one less thing to clean tomorrow).
I can sit here and complain about my day. I can talk about how rough it was, but why. What do I honestly have to complain about. So what that my kids were crazy and driving me nuts, they are healthy, happy, and loved. So what that my husband had to work late and go in on the weekend, at least he has a job that supports us so I can stay home. Who cares that I have to bust my butt to get the house clean for an showing tomorrow, at least we have people coming to look at the house.
Instead of looking at how things are going wrong I need to start looking at the positives that are in my life. I believe that you reap what you sow. The more I give, the more I will receive. If I truly believe that I need to not be disappointed when I don't believe I am receiving enough. God is blessing me, even if I don't always see it. If something is laid upon my heart to do it should be done with no regard of how I will benefit.
I know that there are times that I look at someone's life and think I wish mine was like that. Why!? Take for instance me and pregnancy. I am terrified of pregnancy. Oh I love being pregnant and feeling the baby move, seeing my stomach grow, and watching the baby's kicks. BUT. The entire time I am pregnant I am terrified. They say you relax a little after the first trimester, not me. I worry the whole time. My last pregnancy was the worst. The thoughts of my previous miscarriage gave me horrible panic attacks. Yet when I learn that a friend is pregnant I have a little bit of jealousy. Not just that they are having another baby but that they are able to do so and be relaxed. I always wanted a pregnancy where I wasn't anxious. Who knows maybe we will get a miracle one day!
Tonight was a night I thought I didn't have anything to say. I thought the events of the day had dropped me so low that anything I typed would be just depressing. Instead I found that it helped me to realize the blessings in my life. The amazing things that God has given me. I can sit here and say that while I may get stressed and scared some times, I love my life. I love that I am the one who stays at home and raises my children. I love that I have an amazing husband who loves me even though I am crazy at times. I have friends who are there for me and a family who would do anything for me.
I may not have it all figured out but I am getting there.
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