Food addiction

Where do I begin?  I feel like I have always struggled with my weight and what I eat.  I will be honest I love food.  I love the way it tastes, I love the way it smells, and I love the way it looks.  What I don't love is how I feel after I eat.  I am an emotional eater.  The more stressed I become the more I seem to eat.  I then become stressed and upset about my weight and how I look.  I then eat because I feel so crappy.  It is a very damaging cycle.

I have tried limiting what I ate, that didn't work.  I tried cutting out foods, it made me want them even more.  I feel frustrated, disappointed, and embarrassed with myself.  I know that losing weight and getting healthy is not always an easy thing to do but it is what I went to school for, it is a passion of mine, and I have done it before.

If I know all these things why am I struggling so much right now?

When I lost all the weight before I was overworked, overstressed, and depressed.  What I was eating was the only thing I could control.  Now I feel like I can't control anything.  This past week has been the worst.  We went to a wedding last week.  I feel like all I did was eat.  I had cake, cookies, pizza, fruit, pop, and salad.  The salad was awesome so it makes me mad that I didn't stick with just that.

This week I decided I am going to put different diets to the test. Which one will work best for me.  The only problem with that is, I then had the mindset that I had freedom to eat whatever I wanted until Monday when I start.

All this does is make me more depressed.  So what do I do?  How do I get out of this rut?  I want to start living my life and stop watching it pass me by.  I want to be able to enjoy things and not be exhausted all the time.  I want to feel confident and beautiful.  I want to be happy with who I am.
I want to run and play with my children.

This is the part where I plan.  First step is to get motivated.  If you have ever been depressed you know that this is something that is hard to do.  So instead I will set a goal.  My first goal is 30 minutes of exercise every day.  Sounds simple enough right.  Throw 3 little kids in the mix and it is not so easy.  This is where step two comes into play. 

Get up early to work out.  Thinking about getting up early after staying up late doesn't sound like fun but I know it will be worth it and hopefully I will start going to bed earlier.  My goal is to wake up at 6 am everyday!  Wow 6 sounds really early.  Funny thing is, I am usually up around this time.  I will lay in bed for a bit praying the kids sleep a little longer, playing on my phone, or just trying to go back to sleep.  Instead I need to start getting up.

My last step right now is to fight my food addictions.  The first one I am fighting is sugar.  I know I can do this.  I know I can beat this.  Two weeks with no sugar is no big deal.  Oh but we have Colin's birthday party!  That should be fun!  I have already planned all the yummy sweet things I will be making.  Luckily I have some healthy options and it is at the end of my sugar detox.

I need encouragement.  I need motivation.  They say it takes a community.  Right now I need one.  I ask that you will walk beside me.  Keep pushing me, even when I push back.  Guide me, lead me, support me!